有些事，虽然你一直想知道答案，但却鲜有人敢于一吐真言。就拿乘坐飞机来说吧，乘客为什么要遵守那些繁琐的规定？飞机为什么经常会有延误？那些该死的气流是否会危及生命？那个小小的驾驶舱里上演着什么样的故事？空姐温暖、迷人的微笑背后掩藏着怎样的尴尬与苦衷？如同每个人都有自己的隐私，每个行业也都有自己的禁忌。那么现在，且让我们屏气凝神，来听飞行员和空姐聊聊那些关于飞行的“不能说的秘密”……
Secrets Your Pilot Won’t Tell You 飞行员的“难言之隐”
● What You Don’t Want to Know 你不想知道的事
“Sometimes the airline won’t give us lunch breaks or even time to eat. We have to delay flights just so we can get food.”
—First officer on a regional carrier
“We tell passengers what they need to know. We don’t tell them things that are going to scare the pants off them. So you’ll never hear me say, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we just had an engine failure,’ even if that’s true.”
—Jim Tilmon, retired American Airlines pilot, Phoenix
“The Department of Transportation has put such an emphasis on on-time performance that we pretty much aren’t allowed to delay a flight anymore, even if there are 20 people on a connecting flight (转接班机) that’s coming in just a little late.”
—Commercial pilot, Charlotte, North Carolina
“The truth is, we’re exhausted. Our work rules allow us to be on duty 16 hours without a break. That’s many more hours than a truck driver. And unlike a truck driver, who can pull over at the next rest stop, we can’t pull over at the next cloud.”
—Captain at a major airline
● What We Want You to Know 你需要知道的事
“I may be in uniform, but that doesn’t mean I’m the best person to ask for directions in the airport. We’re in so many airports that we usually have no idea.”
—Pilot for a regional carrier, Charlotte, North Carolina
“This happens all the time: We’ll be in Pittsburgh going to Philly, and there will be a weather delay. The weather in Pittsburgh is beautiful. Then I’ll hear passengers saying, ‘You know, I just called my friend in Philly, and it’s beautiful there too,’ like there’s some kind of conspiracy (阴谋) or something. But in the airspace between Pittsburgh and Philly there’s a huge thunderstorm.”
—Jack Stephan
“Most of the time, how you land is a good indicator of a pilot’s skill. So if you want to say something nice to a pilot as you’re getting off the plane, say ‘Nice landing’. We do appreciate that.”
—Joe D’Eon
“No, it’s not your imagination: Airlines really have adjusted their flight arrival times so they can have a better record of on-time arrivals. So they might say a flight takes two hours when it really takes an hour and 45 minutes.”
—AirTran Airways captain, Atlanta
● When to Worry 该担心的事
“It’s one thing if the pilot puts the seat belt sign on for the passengers. But if he tells the flight attendants to sit down, you’d better listen. That means there’s some serious turbulence (湍流) ahead.”
—John Greaves, airline accident lawyer and former airline captain, Los Angeles
“There’s no such thing as a water landing. It’s called crashing into the ocean.”
—Pilot, South Carolina
“A plane flies into a massive updraft (上升气流), which you can’t see on the radar at night, and it’s like hitting a giant speed bump (缓速块：交错分布于街道、停车场或车道上的人工突起部，用来使机动车驾驶者减低速度) at 500 miles an hour. It throws everything up in the air and then down very violently. That’s not the same as turbulence, which bounces (使弹起) everyone around for a while.”
—John Nance, aviation safety analyst and retired airline captain, Seattle
“Is traveling with a baby in your lap safe? No. It’s extremely dangerous. If there’s any impact or deceleration (减速), there’s a good chance you’re going to lose hold of your kid, and he becomes a projectile (抛射体). But the government’s logic is that if we made you buy an expensive seat for your baby, you’d just drive, and you’re more likely to be injured driving than flying.”
—Patrick Smith
● When Not to Worry 不必担心的事
“Pilots find it perplexing that so many people are afraid of turbulence. It’s all but impossible for turbulence to cause a crash. We avoid turbulence not because we’re afraid the wing is going to fall off, but because it’s annoying.”
—Patrick Smith
“I’ve been struck by lightning twice. Most pilots have. Airplanes are built to take it. You hear a big boom and see a big flash and that’s it. You’re not going to fall out of the sky.”
—Pilot for a regional carrier, Charlotte, North Carolina
● We Don’t Get It 让我们想不明白的事
“Most of you wouldn’t consider going down the highway at 60 miles an hour without your seat belt fastened. But when we’re hurtling through the air at 500 miles an hour and we turn off the seat belt sign, half of you take your seat belts off. But if we hit a little air pocket (使飞机突然下降的向下气流), your head will be on the ceiling.”
—Captain at a major airline
“If you’re going to recline (使斜倚) your seat, for God’s sake, please check behind you first. You have no idea how many laptops are broken every year by boorish (粗鲁的) passengers who slam their seat back with total disregard to what’s going on behind them.”
—John Nance
“There is no safest place to sit. In one accident, the people in the back are dead; in the next, it’s the people up front.”
—John Nance
● What Really Drives Us Crazy 让我们抓狂的事
“Here’s a news flash: We’re not sitting in the cockpit listening to the ball game. Sometimes we can ask the controllers to go to their break room to check the score. But when I fly to Pittsburgh on a Sunday afternoon, the passengers send the flight attendants up at least ten times to ask us the Steelers (匹斯堡钢铁人橄榄球队) score.”
—Commercial pilot, Charlotte, North Carolina
“I am so tired of hearing ‘Oh my God, you’re a girl pilot.’ When you see a black pilot, do you say ‘Oh my God, you’re a black pilot’?”
—Pilot for a regional carrier
● Those Silly Rules, Explained
遵守“傻”规定，生命有保证
“People don’t understand why they can’t use their cell phones. Well, what can happen is 12 people will decide to call someone just before landing, and I can get a false reading on my instruments saying that we are higher than we really are.”
—Jim Tilmon
“We’re not trying to ruin your fun by making you take off your headphones. We just want you to be able to hear us if there’s an emergency.”
—Patrick Smith
● Behind the Cockpit Door 驾驶舱里的秘密
“Do pilots sleep in there? Definitely. Sometimes it’s just a ten-minute catnap, but it happens.”
—John Greaves
“People tend to think the airplane is just flying itself. Trust me, that’s not true. It can fly by itself sometimes. But you’ve always got your hands on the controls waiting for it to mess up. And it does mess up.”
—Pilot, South Carolina
“We don’t wear our hats in the cockpit, by the way. On TV and in the Far Side comic, you always see these pilots with their hats on, and they have their headsets on over the hat, and that always makes us laugh.”
—Joe D’Eon
● Three Things Pilots Will Never Say “打死也不说”的三件事
“We’re heading into some thunderstorms.” What they’ll say instead: “It looks like there’s some weather [or ‘rough air’ or ‘rain showers’] up ahead.”
“One of our engines just failed.” What they’ll say instead: “One of our engines is indicating improperly.” (Or more likely, they’ll say nothing, and you’ll never know the difference. Most planes fly fine with one engine down.)
“Well, folks, the visibility out there is zero.” What they’ll say instead: “There’s some fog in the Washington area.”
● A Parting Thought 最后的肺腑之言
“Here’s the truth about airline jobs: You don’t have as much time off as your neighbors think you have, you don’t make as much money as your relatives think you make, and you don’t have as many girlfriends as your wife thinks you have. Still, I can’t believe they pay me to do this.”
—Commercial pilot, Charlotte, North Carolina
“Want to start off on the wrong foot with (一开始就给⋯⋯留下坏印象) me? Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin (吊挂箱), leave it sticking out (伸出，突出) six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem you just created.”
Things Your Flight Attendant Won’t Tell You 空姐的“满腹牢骚”
“If you’re traveling with a small child and you keep hearing bells, bells, and more bells, please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell.”
“An all-too-common scenario: I hand you a cup of coffee and say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ I say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ Come on, people. What do you think we’re going to ask after we’ve handed you coffee? Your favorite color?”
“No, it’s not OK to come back into the galley (厨房) to stretch and bend over with your rear end (臀部) in my face while I’m in my jump seat during my only break, trying to eat a meal.”
“If you have a baby, bring diapers (尿布). If you’re diabetic (患糖尿病的), bring syringes (注射器). If you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication. That way, I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad (卫生巾) and a pillowcase (枕头套) or asking over the intercom (对讲机) if someone has a spare inhaler (吸入器).”
“If you’re traveling overseas, do yourself a favor and bring a pen. You would not believe how many people travel without one, and you need one to fill out the immigration forms (入境申请书). I carry some, but I can’t carry 200.”
“Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other. ‘Can you tell him to put his seat up?’ ‘She won’t share the armrest (扶手).’ What am I, a preschool teacher?”
“Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle? You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass?”
“Do not poke (戳，捅) or grab me. I mean it. No one likes to be poked, but it’s even worse on the plane because you’re sitting down and we’re not, so it’s usually in a very personal area. You would never grab a waitress if you wanted ketchup (番茄酱) or a fork, would you?”
“If you hear us paging for a doctor or see us running around with oxygen, defibrillators (自动减颤器) and first aid kits (急救药箱), that’s not the right time to ask for a blanket or a Diet Coke (健怡可乐).”
“Sure, I don’t mind waiting while you scour (清除) the seatback pocket and the floor for candy wrappers and other garbage, then place them in my bag one by one. I only have 150 other passengers to serve.”