《生活大爆炸》：天才的爱情不等式 The Big Bang Theory
To Love, or Not to Love?
Cast
Johnny Galecki...Leonard Hofstadter
Jim Parsons...Sheldon Cooper
Kaley Cuoco...Penny
Simon Helberg...Howard Wolowitz
Kunal Nayyar...Raj Koothrappali
Mayim Bialik...Amy Farrah Fowler
《生活大爆炸》完整版在线观看：http://tv.sohu.com/s2010/bigbang/
科学家谢尔顿和莱纳德合租的公寓对面搬来了金发美女佩妮，这让他们的好朋友霍华德和拉杰非常兴奋。从待人接物到柴米油盐，四个宅男和一个潮女在生活的方方面面都有着巨大的差异，但这种强烈对比让五个人产生了一种奇妙的友谊，爆笑生活从此开始……
《生活大爆炸》是唯一一部以“高品质、高收视、高人气、高评价”存活至今的优秀剧集——被粉丝们爱称为“谢耳朵”的主演获得了2010年艾美奖喜剧类最佳男主角，嘉宾中包括众多科幻影视明星、诺贝尔奖得主以及科技名人，电视剧本身也通过网络成为一种全民娱乐的文化现象。可以毫不夸张地说，TBBT就是21世纪的《老友记》（Friends），大家千万不要错过哦！
大伙儿正在吃饭，谢尔顿收到艾米的短信，佩妮没听说过这个名字……
Penny: Who's Amy?
Leonard: His girlfriend.
Penny: Sheldon has a girlfriend?!
Sheldon: She's not my girlfriend.
Penny: How long has this been going on?!
Leonard: Four months.
Sheldon: She's not my girlfriend.
Penny: Are you telling me, for the past four months I have been asking you “What's new?” and you never thought to go with “Sheldon has a girlfriend”?!
Sheldon: She's NOT my girlfriend.
Penny: (stops Sheldon) How did they meet?
Howard: Raj and I entered Sheldon's information on a dating site, and it spit[吐] out Amy Farrah Fowler.
Penny: Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy!
Howard: Or, as we call them, “Shamy.”
Penny: (excited) Shamy! I am so digging the Shamy!
Sheldon: All right, everyone pay attention. Yes, I have a friend named Amy Farrah Fowler. Yes, she is female. Yes, we communicate on a daily basis. But no, she is not my girlfriend.
Penny: Okay, well, what do you communicate about?
Sheldon: Well, my work in physics, her work in
neurobiology[神经生物学], and most recently, the
possibility of our having a child together.
Leonard: Wait a minute. A child? You never see this girl. You just e-mail and text and Twitter. Now you're considering having a baby?
Sheldon: Amy pointed out that between the two of us, our genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior[优秀的], benign[亲善的]
overlords[最高统治者] to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow.
Howard: I'm guessing that future historians will condemn[谴责]
us for not taking this opportunity to kill Sheldon.
佩妮：艾米是谁？
莱纳德：他女朋友。
佩妮：谢尔顿有女朋友了？！
谢尔顿：她不是我女朋友。
佩妮：这事儿多久了？！
莱纳德：四个月。
谢尔顿：她不是我女朋友。
佩妮：你是说，最近四个月以来，我一直在问你：“有新鲜事吗？”你居然从没想过告诉我“谢尔顿有女朋友”吗？！
谢尔顿：她不是我女朋友。
佩妮：（不让谢尔顿说话）他们怎么认识的？
霍华德：拉杰和我把谢尔顿的信息发到约会网站上，网站速配了艾米·法拉赫·福勒。
佩妮：天啊！谢尔顿和艾米！
霍华德：或者像我们这样叫他们——“谢米”。
佩妮：（兴奋）谢米！我要八一八谢米！
谢尔顿：好吧，全体注意。没错，我有个朋友叫艾米·法拉赫·福勒。没错，她是女的。没错，我们每天都有联系。但是不对，她不是我女朋友。
佩妮：好吧，那你们都在聊什么？
谢尔顿：哦，我的物理研究，她的神经生物学研究，而最近我们一直在讨论一起生个孩子的可能性。
莱纳德：等等，生孩子？你从没和这个女生见面。你们只是通过电邮、短信和推特联系。这就想要孩子了？
谢尔顿：艾米指出，通过我俩的结合，我们的基因将有机会制造出前所未有、智力超群、仁慈善良的君主，带领人类走向光明的未来。
霍华德：我们如果不趁现在灭了谢尔顿，我猜未来的历史学家一定会骂死我们。
口语锦囊
本期的“口语角”要克服语速关和生词关——由于情景喜剧比较贴近现实生活，剧中角色一般为正常语速，通过诙谐的台词以及语音语调的戏剧性变化产生“笑果”，在模仿时可以多留意。另外，由于人物身份的特殊性，本剧经常出现正式用语或晦涩的科技词汇，熟悉生词是第一要务！
几个人刚在佩妮打工的餐厅坐下，谢尔顿和艾米一起出现……
Penny: Hey, look, it's Shamy.
Amy: “Shamy”?
Sheldon: A juvenile[幼稚的] amalgamation[合并] of our names: Sheldon, Amy—“Shamy.”
Amy: Oh, I don't like that. Don't do that.
Penny: All righty. What's new?
Amy: Well, just recently I learned that you refer to us as Shamy, and I don't like that.
Penny: Yeah, I…I got it, but what I was going for was, you know, how is your life?
Amy: Like everybody else's—subject[使服从] to entropy注1, decay[衰落] and eventual death. Thank you for asking. (to Sheldon) Why is she not taking our order?
Sheldon: Well, I should've warned you, one has to navigate[越过] a labyrinth[迷宫] of social nonsense before one can be fed here.
Amy: Really? I assumed an establishment called “The Cheesecake Factory” would function more efficiently.
Sheldon: It's how they lure[引诱] you in. I believe it's called “bait and switch.”
Penny: Okay, I'm just gonna walk away 'cause I don't wanna be here.
Leonard: So, this is nice. First time we've all gotten together to eat.
Amy: (to Sheldon) You're right. He's a festival of humdrum[单调乏味的] chitchat[闲谈].
Leonard: Okay, that's all I got. Howard, you're up.
Howard: Uh, tell us about your work, Amy.
Amy: I doubt you'd understand. Sheldon tells me you only have a master's degree.
Howard: Raj, do you have any questions for Amy? (Raj shakes his head.)
Amy: I'm curious as to why we're not eating alone.
Sheldon: They can't function without me. I'm the social glue[胶水] that holds this little group together. (to the group) You're welcome.
[On the way home.]
Leonard: Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious[自以为是的] and frankly...just obnoxious[讨厌的].
Sheldon: So?
Leonard: So we already have you for all that.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting I terminate[终止] my relationship with Amy?
Leonard: No, no, of course not. Just have your relationship someplace else.
Sheldon: May I point out that for eight long months, I suffered in silence as your female companion filled our apartment with her off-key country music cater-wauling[像猫一样号叫], the unappetizing[令人倒胃的] spectacle[景象] of her grinding[磨] a pumice stone[浮石] against her calloused[长茧的] feet in our living room, and night after night of uninformative[不能增长见闻的] TV documentaries about the Jersey Shore注2.
Leonard: …Suffered in silence?
Sheldon: Yes. And I'd thank you to do the same.
Leonard: Real…silence?!
佩妮：嘿，瞧啊，这不是谢米嘛。
艾米：“谢米”？
谢尔顿：不过是一个把我们的名字合并起来的幼稚把戏：谢尔顿、艾米——“谢米”。
艾米：喔，我可不喜欢，别这么叫了。
佩妮：好嘞，有什么新鲜事吗？
艾米：哦，就在刚才，我发现你称呼我们为谢米，我不喜欢这种叫法。
佩妮：是啊，我……我明白，但是你瞧，我想问的其实是你最近怎样？
艾米：和别人没啥不同——受熵支配，逐渐衰败，最终死亡。谢谢你的关心。（对谢尔顿）她怎么还不给我们点餐呢？
谢尔顿：哦，忘了提醒你，如果想在这里用餐，必须先经历一连串繁杂的社交废话。
艾米：是吗？我还以为一个名叫“芝士蛋糕工厂”的地方会运作得更有效率呢。
谢尔顿：那只是骗你进来的伎俩。我想这种做法就叫“诱售法”。
佩妮：好吧，我要走了，因为我不想待在这里。
莱纳德：真不错啊，大伙儿第一次在一起吃饭。
艾米：（对谢尔顿）你说得对，他果然很多废话。
莱纳德：好吧，我没辙了。霍华德，你上。
霍华德：呃，谈谈你的工作吧，艾米。
艾米：我怀疑你听不懂。谢尔顿告诉我，你只有硕士学历。
霍华德：拉杰，你有什么要问艾米的吗？（拉杰摇头。）
艾米：我很好奇，我们怎么不单独进餐？
谢尔顿：他们离不开我，是我将这个小团体凝聚在一起的。（对大家）不客气。
[回家路上。]
莱纳德：艾米很爱批评人，而且自以为是，老实说……相当讨人嫌。
谢尔顿：那又怎样？
莱纳德：我们已经有一个这样的你了。
谢尔顿：你这是在建议我停止和艾米来往吗？
莱纳德：不不，当然不是。只是建议你们去别的地方交往。
谢尔顿：请容我指出，在长达八个月的时间里，我默默地承受着你的女伴在我们的公寓里像猫一样吼着走调的乡村音乐，倒胃地看着她在我们的客厅里用浮石磨她那长满老茧的双脚，还要夜复一夜地观看那部关于泽西海岸的无聊电视纪录片。
莱纳德：……默默承受？
谢尔顿：是的。我希望你也能这么做。
莱纳德：真的假的……默默？！
口语锦囊
“all righty”为“all right”的非正式用法，一般用于口语，例如：
All righty, let's go to the fair! （好了，我们一起去集市吧！）
“bait and switch”的意思是“诱售法”，又称为“诱饵推销法”或“上钩调包诱售法”，意思是商家通过廉价商品进行宣传，招徕顾客上门后再兜售高价商品。
注1：熵在物理学中是热力状态参数之一，指热能除以温度所得的商，表示热量转化为功的程度。
注2：《泽西海岸》（Jersey Shore）为美国MTV电视台一档真人秀节目，以新泽西海岸几对年轻人为主角，记录他们的日常生活，由于内容比较疯狂，从2009年开播以来引起了极大争议。
谢尔顿与艾米因为学术分歧闹翻了，伤心的谢尔顿竟然开始养猫。担心的莱纳德只好请库珀太太过来想想办法……
Sheldon: What is she doing here?
Mrs. Cooper: I called her.
Amy: Your mother thinks you might be losing your mind over me. As a neurobiologist, I was curious.
Sheldon: Well, rest assured, I am in full possession of my faculties[心智健全].
Leonard: (sneezing) Twenty-five cats!
Mrs. Cooper: Oh, God bless you, dear. Sheldon, sit down. Let's talk.
Sheldon: All right, but you're not fooling me.
Whenever you say we have to talk, it means you want me to listen.
Mrs. Cooper: Then stop talking.
Sheldon: Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Cooper: Now, the reason I called Amy over was to find out what type of person she is. And after chatting a bit, I have to say that while she is a perfectly unique young woman, you two are definitely not suited for each other.
Sheldon: That's a peculiar[奇特的] conclusion. By any standard, Amy is more similar to me than anyone I've ever met.
Mrs. Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry, Shelly, I can't see it.
Sheldon: Well, whether you see it or not is irrelevant[不相干的].
Well, I can't see subatomic particles[亚原子粒子], but nevertheless, they're there.
Amy: Excellent point.
Sheldon: A physics point.
Amy: Touché.
Mrs. Cooper: Well, putting aside the pig Latin. It's a good thing that you two decided to end the relationship so I didn't have to end it for you.
Sheldon: Amy, after consideration, I believe we may have acted rashly[轻率地]. I propose we resume[重新开始] our
relationship and attempt to resolve[解决] our differences.
Amy: I'll agree to that only if you'll stipulate[约定] that 80% of our difficulties were caused by you.
Sheldon: I'll go as high as 40.
Amy: Sixty-five.
Sheldon: Done. You understand that moving forward, we deal with the fact that my mother does not approve of you?
Amy: I do. I find being cast in the role of bad girl oddly[古怪地] titillating[令人兴奋的].
Sheldon: Would you like to see my cats?
Amy: I would. I love cats. They're the epitome[典型] of indifference.
Sheldon: Ah, then you may find Zazzles注3 a little cloying[粘人的].
Leonard: I saw what you did there.
Mrs. Cooper: He thinks he's such a smarty-pants[自作聪明的人].
He's no different from any man. You tell 'em not to do something, that's all they want to do.
谢尔顿：她来这里干什么？
库珀太太：我打电话请她来的。
艾米：你妈妈认为你为了我失魂落魄，作为神经生物学家，我感到非常好奇。
谢尔顿：哦，请放心，我的心智完全正常。
莱纳德：（打喷嚏）25只猫！
库珀太太：哦，上帝保佑你，亲爱的。谢尔顿，坐下来吧，我们谈谈。
谢尔顿：好吧，不过你可别想骗我。每次你说我们谈谈，其实就是想让我听你说话。
库珀太太：那就闭嘴。
谢尔顿：是，长官。
库珀太太：我找艾米过来是想看看她是一个什么样的人。跟她聊了一会儿之后，我得说，虽然她确实是一位非常独特的姑娘，但你们俩根本不适合对方。
谢尔顿：这个结论太奇怪了。不管用哪种标准来衡量，艾米都是我认识的人当中与我最相似的。
库珀太太：哦，很抱歉，谢利，我看不出来。
谢尔顿：你看不看得出来没关系。我也看不到亚原子粒子，但不管怎么说，它们都是存在的。
艾米：绝妙的观点。
谢尔顿：这是物理学观点。
艾米：说得好。
库珀太太：别卖弄拉丁语了。你们决定分手是件好事，省得我来拆散你们。
谢尔顿：艾米，经过再三考虑，我认为我们的行动过于草率。我提议我们重归于好，并努力化解我们的分歧。
艾米：如果你认可我们之间80%的问题都是你造成的，我就同意和好。
谢尔顿：我顶多接受40%。
艾米：65%。
谢尔顿：成交。你知道，如果我们继续来往，我们就得面对我妈妈并不认可你这件事吗？
艾米：我明白。我发现扮演坏女孩的角色竟让我十分兴奋。
谢尔顿：你想看看我的猫吗？
艾米：好啊，我喜欢猫。它们是情感淡漠的典范。
谢尔顿：啊，你会发现犀利哥有点粘人。
莱纳德：我可算看出来了。
库珀太太：他自以为聪明绝顶，其实和其他男人没什么不同。你越不让他们做什么，他们就越想那么做。
口语锦囊
“rest assured”一般用于祈使语境，意思是“请放心”，例如：
Rest assured / You can rest assured that we will do all we can. （请放心，我们会尽力而为。）
西方人听见别人打喷嚏总会说一句“God bless you”或“Bless you”——欧美风俗里相信人在打喷嚏时会灵魂出窍，让恶魔找到可乘之机，所以要用这句话来驱邪。发展到今天，这种用法多表示希望对方身体健康，而且使用者一般为信教人士。如果遇到外国朋友对你说“bless you”，记得回答一句“thank you”哦！
“touché”源自法语，用于承认对方的论据正确或反驳有力，意思是“说得好”——在这段对话中，库珀太太把这个词误认为拉丁语了。
注3：“zazzle”在美国俚语中表示“性感”，是比较夸张的黑人用语。此处译名沿用网上翻译版本。
一天道别时，艾米突然请谢尔顿和她的母亲见面，谢尔顿慌了……
Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard, Leonard...
Leonard: Yeah, what?
Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: What does that mean?
Leonard: Well, you know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl who's your friend and not your girlfriend?
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Leonard: You can't say that anymore.
Sheldon: What?!
Leonard: Look, she obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Sheldon: I don't want the next level. I like this level. Fix it for me!
Leonard: Me? How am I supposed to fix it?
Sheldon: Simple! You want a girlfriend; Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.
Leonard: That is insane[疯狂的].
Sheldon: You're right. It would never work. Amy finds you tedious[乏味的].
Leonard: Okay, good luck.
Sheldon: …Wait! What am I supposed to do?
Leonard: Have you considered telling her how you feel?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie[嬉皮士].
Leonard: All right, well, let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane[斜面] wrapped helically[成螺旋形地] around an axis[轴]?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There you go. (He leaves.)
Sheldon: Amy's right. He is tedious.
谢尔顿：莱纳德，莱纳德，莱纳德……
莱纳德：啊，干嘛？
谢尔顿：艾米·法拉赫·福勒让我见她母亲。
莱纳德：是吗，那怎么了？
谢尔顿：那是什么意思？
莱纳德：哦，你不是总说艾米只是你的女性朋友而不是女朋友吗？
谢尔顿：对啊。
莱纳德：你再也不能这么说了。
谢尔顿：什么？！
莱纳德：你瞧，显然她想让你们的关系更进一步。
谢尔顿：我不想更进一步，我喜欢现在这步。帮我搞定它！
莱纳德：我？我怎么帮你搞定？
谢尔顿：很简单！你想要女朋友，艾米想当别人的女朋友。我把她让给你，我会祝福你们的。
莱纳德：你疯了。
谢尔顿：你说得对，这行不通。艾米觉得你很乏味。
莱纳德：好吧，祝你好运。
谢尔顿：等等！我该怎么办？
莱纳德：你有没有想过把自己的感受告诉她？
谢尔顿：莱纳德，我是物理学家，不是嬉皮士。
莱纳德：好吧，哦，让我想想看能不能用物理学解释你的处境。如果你和另外一个物体绑在一起，放到一个围绕轴心呈螺旋状的斜面上，你的下场会如何？
谢尔顿：拧在一块儿完蛋了。
莱纳德：就是这样。（他出门了。）
谢尔顿：艾米说得对，他确实很乏味。
口语锦囊
“screw”作动词用时，其本义有“拧紧，揉作一团”的意思；而“screwed”在俚语中则表示某人处境糟糕，“完蛋了”——莱纳德用一个生动的例子巧妙地将这两个义项糅合在一起。
谢尔顿千方百计地逃避艾米，结果还是被逮住了……
Amy: I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred when I asked you to meet my mother.
Sheldon: No misunderstanding. I've learned what that request actually means, and I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
Amy: In what way are you screwed? All I want to do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship.
Sheldon: So we'd be perpetrating[犯] a ruse?
Amy: Precisely.
Sheldon: And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me?
Amy: Don't be absurd[荒谬的]. I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships.
Sheldon: Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic[务实的] thing anyone has ever said to me.
Amy: I trust this clarification allows us to return to boy/friend/girl/friend status.
Sheldon: Of course. Would you like to join me for Chinese food?
Amy: Sheldon, please, you're suffocating[闷死] me.
Sheldon: My apologies. Good night, Amy.
Amy: Good night, Sheldon.
艾米：对我要求你见我妈妈这件事，我想你可能有些误会。
谢尔顿：我没误会。我了解到那个要求意味着什么。我可不想在一个围绕轴心呈螺旋状的斜面上和别的物体绞在一起。
艾米：你怎么会完蛋了？我只是想把你当作男友介绍给我妈妈，让她以为我在谈恋爱，好让她放心。
谢尔顿：也就是说我们只是在演戏？
艾米：没错。
谢尔顿：你并没有无可救药地爱上我？
艾米：别傻了。在我看来，所谓的浪漫爱情只是一种毫无必要的文化构成，对人际关系毫无价值可言。
谢尔顿：艾米·法拉赫·福勒，这是我听过最务实的话。
艾米：我相信解释清楚之后，我们能回到男性/朋友/女性/朋友的状态了吧。
谢尔顿：当然。想和我一起去吃中餐吗？
艾米：拜托，谢尔顿，我受不了了。
谢尔顿：对不起。晚安，艾米。
艾米：晚安，谢尔顿。
口语锦囊
这次的“谢耳朵恋爱记”让人捧腹不已吧？多听几遍并反复跟读，当你习惯了本剧的语速和词汇之后，就会发现这几段台词写得精彩绝伦，复杂的正式用语和简单的内在含义之间产生的强烈对比非常有趣，而且每个出场人物都有自己鲜明的性格，完全可以作为一部短剧练习role-play。如果英语课上有自由发挥时间，拉上几个同伴表演一台属于你们的TBBT也不错哦！