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From 1)Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid to 2)Good Will Hunting, popular culture is filled with examples of 3)straight guy love. The 4)sitcom Friends often 5)crafted jokes around the 6)ultra-tight nature of Joey and Chandler’s relationship. Let me define this sort of relationship: Bromance, a relationship defined as “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males,” according to urbandictionary.com.
But close male friendship isn’t just a7)quirky television fantasy or a 8)running gag in the movies. Real-life bromances are everywhere. Kevin Collier, 28, a construction manager, has lots of manly things in common with his best friend, including but not limited to, “tattoos and motorcycles,” as Collier put it. They first met on the wrestling team at the University of Virginia. It was a bromance founded on shared misery. “When you spend six months out of the year being miserable together, you wind up with a lot of close relationships with your teammates,” said Collier.
Experts say the 9)prevalence of these friendships can in part be explained by the delay in major life milestones. Fifty years ago, a man could graduate from college, get a job and get married all within a couple of months. But today’s men are drifting, as opposed to jumping, into the traditional notion of adulthood. “The transition to adulthood is now taking about a decade longer than it used to,” said Michael Kimmel, a sociology professor at 10)Stony Brook University in New York whose upcoming book is called Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men.
无论是影片《虎豹小霸王》,还是影片《心灵捕手》,流行文化中充满种种有关“直男情”的例子。幽默剧《老友记》经常在乔伊和钱德勒两人亲密无间的关系上构思笑话。让我把这种关系定义为“兄弟罗曼史”,依据网站urbandictionary.com上的定义,这种关系指的是“存在于两个‘直男’之间复杂难解的爱意”。
但男性间的亲密友谊不只是电视剧的古怪空想,抑或是出现在电影里的“老梗”。“兄弟罗曼史”在现实生活中无处不在。28岁的凯文·科利尔是一位建筑工程经理,说到男人的苦乐爱恶,他和他最好的朋友有着许多共同点,正如科利尔所说,这其中包括但不仅仅限于“纹身和骑摩托车”这些爱好。他们最初是在美国弗吉尼亚大学的摔跤队里认识的。这段“兄弟罗曼史”的关系基于两人当时同甘共苦的经历。“当你们一年里有半年的时间都在一起共患难,你最终就会和你的队友建立起很亲密的关系。”科利尔说道。
专家们说,这种友谊之所以流行,部分原因在于人生那些里程碑事件发生的时间晚了。50年前,男孩子从大学毕业,可以不出几个月就成家立业。但如今的男性不会直接“跳进”,而是慢慢“漂入”传统观念的成年期。“如今,男性迈入成年期的时间比以往推迟了大约10年,”纽约州立石溪大学的一位社会学教授迈克尔·基梅尔说道。他那本名为《青年王国:男孩变成男人的危险世界》的新书即将出版。
Financial pressures help fuel bromances because they make living with a roommate a sensible option. In addition, men are getting married later—an average age of 27, according to a 2007 report by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, up from the average marrying age in 1960 which was 23. Men with more education are marrying even later, in their 30s.
M Men in bromances agree that when singlehood 11)abounds, male friendships flourish. “Being single as opposed to married allows us to do things like go on these random excursions,” said Joe Tipograph, 29, a graduate student at 12)Emory University who spent a week in 13)Key West with his two best friends from high school.
Tipograph, David Abrams and Greg Kopstein have a 14)triangular bromance of sorts that began when they were kids growing up as neighbors. They went to separate colleges but reunited one summer to work as camp counselors in 15)New Hampshire.
“Greg and I would always get in trouble, but they knew if they fired either one of us, Dave would quit,” said Tipograph of how the three became 16)a package deal. Since graduating college, they’ve played a game of musical apartments, each having lived with the other, in one city or another, over the years. The 2000 17)census found that the number of non-family households, which includes people living with roommates and unmarried partners, had gone up by 23 percent since 1990.
财务压力促成“兄弟罗曼史”关系的流行,因为财务压力使合租成为一种明智的选择。另外,男人也推迟了结婚年 龄——平均结婚年龄是27岁,据罗格斯大学国家婚姻研究项目2007年的报告,相比1960年23岁这一平均结婚年龄有所推后。受教育程度越高的男性甚至会更晚结婚——到了30多岁才结婚。
处于“兄弟罗曼史”关系中的男性都认为,当满街都是“孤家寡人”,“兄弟情”就盛行。“本该处于婚姻状态的年龄里还是‘孤家寡人’使得我们可以一块儿去做一些事,比如随心所欲地去旅行,”29岁的乔伊·提波格亚夫说道,他是埃默里大学的一名研究生,曾和他的两位高中好友在基韦斯特岛共度了一周。
提波格亚夫、大卫·艾布拉姆斯和格雷格·克普斯坦因之间有一种三个人的“兄弟罗曼史”关系,这种关系始于孩童时期,那时他们住得很近,一同成长。他们去了不同的大学念书,但某个夏天,他们相聚在新罕布什尔州做营队辅导员。
“我和格雷格总惹上麻烦,但他们知道,如果他们解雇了我俩中的一个,戴夫也会随之辞职的。”提波格亚夫讲述着他们三人是如何成为“一揽子交易”的。自从毕业以后,他们三人就玩起了“抢室友”的游戏(编者注:“musical chairs”指“抢座位游戏”,“musical apartments”是对该短语的活用)。在过去这些年里,三人一直轮流在这个或是那个城市和另外两个人中的一人合租房子。而2000年的人口普查发现,非亲属间的同居,包括和室友或是与未婚伴侣同居的人数相比1990年上升了23%。
There seems to be little worry about 18)perceptions of homosexuality in a bromance filled with macho pursuits. Bromancers say they keep the spark alive by making an extra effort to see one another and keeping an open and honest communication. Gerrity will be moving out of Mariner’s apartment come fall when he heads to 19)graduate school, and they’ll be trying long distance. “We had a long talk about it,” said Gerrity. “I won’t see him every day,” said Mariner. “But I don’t think we’re going to break up our bromance.”
But rifts can occur when serious girlfriends enter the picture or someone moves to another city. And here is the complaint from Mrs. Mel B: “My husband goes rock climbing with his buddy every weekend. It’s been a bromance since the day they met. His wife and I got the biggest laugh after we learned they’d bought matching climbing equipment.” And she is not the minority. “Not only does my husband work with his BFF(Best Friends Forever), they go out constantly and love staying out until 4 a.m. every single time. It drives me crazy,” says Mrs. Jones.
20)Lighten up, ladies. Ultimately it’s friendship. There is nothing wrong with bromance, in word or in fact. Just feel the love.
处于处处彰显男人味的追求的“兄弟罗曼史”关系中的人似乎不担忧被人误会是同性恋。身处“兄弟罗曼史”关系中的人说,他们格外努力争取和对方相聚,和对方保持坦诚交流,以此保持彼此间的“火花”。格瑞提要去读研究生,所以这个秋天将搬出玛瑞耐尔的公寓,而他俩会尝试维持这种长距离的关系。“我们就这个问题长谈过,”格瑞提说道。“我将不能每天都见到他了,”玛瑞耐尔说,“但我想我们的‘兄弟罗曼史’关系不会破裂。”
但当较真的女友们进入到“兄弟罗曼史”关系中来,或是“兄弟罗曼史”关系中的一方搬到另一座城市居住,这时候关系就会出线裂痕。以下就是来自梅尔·B太太的抱怨:“我丈夫每周都和他的密友去攀岩,他们哥俩是‘一见钟情’。 发现他俩竟然买了配对的攀岩设备后,我和他那密友的太太都哈哈大笑。”有如此感受的太太可不是少数。“我丈夫不仅和他那“今生最好的朋友”在一块工作,他俩还经常外出,而且每次外出都喜欢在外待到凌晨四点才回家,这让我抓狂。”琼斯太太说道。
女士们,别紧张。说到底,那不过是种友谊。无论作为一个词还是一种事实,“兄弟罗曼史”都没什么不妥。好好感受那份爱吧。
