悠长暑期,谁不想出外欢欢喜喜的度个假?可是,遇到当前的经济不景气,大家口袋中“米米”不够,真有点愁云惨雾的样子。不要紧,我们来听听一段美式的“海派清口”吧,尽管出的都是馊主意,但好歹能让我们一笑忘忧。
Hey, can you smell it? What’s that? 1)Old Spice. It’s Old Spice.
Welcome, sir, wherever you are.
No-o-o, you know what it smells like? It smells like summer is right around the corner. Doesn’t it?
I’m sorry, maybe not right around the corner: maybe down two blocks. It’s close, I know that. And, you know, people are startin’ to figure out where they’re gonna go on their summer vacation. But times are tough and maybe you don’t want to spend a lot of money on a trip. So I’ve come up with some tips on how to have a summer vacation without spending too much money, and I call them, “Ellen’s Tip on How to Have a Summer Vacation Without Spending too Much Money.”
Tip No.1: Camping is so much fun for the whole family, but you…isn’t it?…Yes…When you think about getting there, and it can be very expensive and time-consuming, why not camp out in your own back yard? Why not? You can pitch a tent and you can make“2)s’mores” and tell ghost stories and then, when the kids are all snuggled into their sleeping bags, Dad can slip into a bear suit and 3)ransack the campsite. The kids’ll love it, and, who knows, maybe Mom has a thing for hungry grizzly bears. You don’t know.
You’re welcome.
Tip No.2: Who’s been to Sweden? I hear it’s…really? I hear it’s “wunderbar”, and so here’s my tip: one word—IKEA.
All you do is you put some stuff in a backpack and you take the whole family on an incredible journey through IKEA. It’s a huge, huge place, and if you 4)play your cards right, you can go undetected at closing time and spend the whole night there.
You’ll have your pick of sofa beds, you can relax, and you just have to put it together yourself.
Tip No.3: Flying to Europe takes a long time. Oh, that’s a long flight, if you’ve been there, so do the next best thing. You buy yourself a 5)kayak and a long rake, and then you jump over a fence into your neighbor’s yard and you get in their pool and, suddenly, you’re on the canals of Venice.
And when they come outside and ask what you’re doing, you pretend like you can’t understand their language, …just like Europe.
Tip No.4: Who doesn’t dream of a Hawaiian vacation? I mean this one…yes…This is a 6)cinch.
You pour yourself a giant 7)piña colada, tiny little umbrella, you crank up the heat in your house, you put some sand in your underwear. You’re a 8)ukulele away from the greatest Hawaiian vacation ever. 9)Aloha!
Now, my best tip of all is to remember that a vacation is a state of mind. Isn’t that true? So let’s all travel together to “funkytown” with this dance.
嘿,你们闻到了吗?那是什么味儿?男性古龙水的味道。
欢迎啊,先生,不管你在哪里。
不——,你们知道那闻起来像什么吗?那闻起来像是夏天近在咫尺了。不是吗?
对不起,可能不是近在咫尺,或者说是在几丈之外。很近了,我知道。你们知道人们正开始计划到哪里去度暑假呢。但是时势艰难啊,可能你们并不想花一大笔钱去旅行。因此,我想出了几个如何过暑假不用花大钱的小秘诀,我称之为“艾伦的几个如何过暑假不用花大钱的小秘诀”。
秘诀一:对于一家人来说,露营太好玩了,但你们……不是吗?……对……但当你一想到要去那里,可能花费不菲而且耗费时间,为啥不就在自家的后院扎营呢?为什么不呢?你们可以支个帐篷,做些露营小点,讲鬼故事,然后,当孩子们都钻进他们的睡袋后,爸爸就穿上狗熊衣,在营地里到处翻。孩子们会喜欢的,谁知道呢,可能妈妈对饥饿的大灰熊有好感呢,这可说不准。
不用客气。
秘诀二:谁去过瑞典?我听说那里……真的?我听说那里“好极了”,所以这就是我的秘诀:一个词——宜家。
你要做的只是在背包里装备一些东西,然后就可以带全家在宜家度过一个美妙的旅程。那地方很大,大得不得了。要是你够聪明的话,在关门时还不会被发现,然后就可以在那里过一整晚了。
你可以选自己喜爱的沙发床,好好放松休息,只是你得自己组装好。
秘诀三:飞到欧洲去要花很长时间。噢,要飞很久呢,要是你去过的话就知道了。既然这样,大家可以作以下次佳选择。给自己买条皮船,一根长桨,然后越过栅栏,跳进你邻居家后院的游泳池。突然间,你就在威尼斯的运河上了。
当邻居们跑出来,问你这是在干啥的时候,你就装作听不懂他们的语言……就像在欧洲一样。
秘诀四:谁不曾梦想在夏威夷度假呢?我是说这一种……对吧?……这是件很容易办到的事情。
给自己倒杯大大的菠萝椰子鸡尾酒,上面插一把小小的装饰伞,然后将家里的暖气开大,再往自己的内衣里倒些沙子。这将是你从未有过的闲适音乐假期。你好啊!
现在,我最棒的暑假秘诀是,谨记:假期是一种心态。不是吗?因此,让我们一起来跳个舞到“疯狂小镇”度个假吧。
