恶作剧之礼 The 1)Etiquette of 2)Hoaxing
文字难度：★★★☆
In my 3)natal family, the holiest of holidays were April Fools', Valentine's, Halloween, and the first night of 4)Passover, in that order. To joke was to love, was to entertain, was to celebrate liberty. My friends were brought up to take praying seriously; my brother and I, to take playing seriously. Pranking was not only allowed, it was encouraged. Maybe it was even 5)mandatory. And there were rules. Tricking people wasn't supposed to be mean. The 6)butt of your joke wasn't meant to feel like a 7)jerk. Ideally the victim would be warmed and flattered by the attention. Oh, look how smart I am, that it took so much effort to 8)beguile me.
在我出生成长的家庭里，最神圣的节日依次往下排就是愚人节，情人节，万圣节和逾越节的第一个晚上。我们觉得恶作剧是一种爱的表达，是一种娱乐，也是一种对自由的庆祝。我的朋友们从小到大都将祈祷看得很重要；而我和弟弟则把玩耍看得很重要。恶作剧不只是被允许的，它还是备受大家推崇的。甚至可能可以说是非玩不可的。当然，也是要讲求规则的。戏弄他人时不能太卑鄙。你的玩笑并不是为了证明被你捉弄的人是个笨蛋。理想的恶作剧是为了让被捉弄的人感到温暖，感到被关注而开心。噢，看我多机灵，要捉弄我你可得费不少功夫才行呢。
Sometimes it went brilliantly right, and sometimes it didn't.
有些时候，恶作剧能水到渠成，可有些时候就不一定了。
Five o'clock on a lovely early spring evening, and my mother called me in from the backyard. She and my father were going out to dinner, she said, and she had my dinner ready at the kitchen table.
那是一个美丽的早春，傍晚五点钟，妈妈把我从后院叫回家，对我说，她和爸爸要出去吃饭，我的晚饭已经准备好了，就在餐桌上。
Pretty weird: No one, not even babies, dined at five in our family; and the kitchen table, in the rooster-wallpaper 9)nook, was only for lunch and dinner. But my mother had a happy, 10)adoring look on her face, and I didn't think twice about going along with whatever she wanted me to do. I washed my hands and sat down at the table. I can see it perfectly across the years—the 11)Formica table12)festively set with a straw 13)placemat, yellow cloth napkin, and a fork and knife from the dining room 14)flatware. Looked like a party.
真奇怪。我们家从来没有在五点就吃晚饭的，连小宝宝们也不会这么早；还有，摆在贴有公鸡壁纸的角落里的那张餐桌只有在正式的午餐和晚餐时才会用到。但是妈妈一脸开心雀跃的样子，我毫不犹豫地就照她说的去做了。我洗了手，然后坐在桌子前面。就算过了这么多年，当时的情景依旧历历在目：像过节似的，那张富美家牌防火胶板桌上铺着一张草编餐垫，黄色的布餐巾，以及从套装餐具里抽出来的刀叉。看上去像开宴会。
With a flourish, my mother set a plate before me: two sunny-side-up eggs, a couple of strips of bacon, and a heap of bright peas and carrots. It wasn't the sort of food we ate for dinner—I think that was the year of 15)Steak Diane—and the bacon was curiously unaromatic, but my mother was calling it dinner, and so dinner it was. I stuck a fork into the yolk. Well, tried to stick it in. Everything on the plate was candy. Thus, my first April Fools' Day, and sheer perfection. My mother and I laughed and ate the 16)marzipan veggies, and I felt very loved.
妈妈端了一个装着丰盛食物的盘子放到我面前：两个荷包蛋，两片培根肉片，还有一堆颜色鲜艳的豌豆和胡萝卜。这些都不是我们平时晚饭吃的东西——那年的正餐我们流行吃“黛安牛排”——而且面前这些培根肉片很奇怪地没有香味。但既然妈妈说这是晚餐，那这就是晚餐吧。我想用叉子叉住蛋黄。然而，怎么也叉不进去。原来盘子里的所有东西都是糖果。这就是我的第一个愚人节，一切都完美极了。我和妈妈都笑了，并一起吃那些用杏仁蛋白糊做成的蔬菜，那一刻，我觉得温暖极了。
Less successful was the time my mother called me into the kitchen; said, “Nancy, I'm angry at you”; and threw a drinking glass at my feet. It shattered on the 17)linoleum floor, and I burst into hysterical tears. “Nooo!” my mother 18)wailed, gathering me into her arms. “It was a joke! That's Libby's new Bounce glass! It was supposed to pop right up like a tennis ball! Oh, baby girl, I'm so sorry, I'm going to write a letter to Libby and 19)give them hell.”
当然，不是每次恶作剧都这么成功的。有一次，妈妈把我叫进厨房，对我说：“南希，你惹妈妈生气了”，紧接着把一个水杯摔到了我脚边，杯子摔在亚麻地板上，碎了。我吓了一跳，大哭了起来。妈妈也慌了，把我搂在怀里，难过地喊叫着：“不！那只是个玩笑！那是利比最新的弹性玻璃杯！摔到地上应该像网球那样弹起来的！噢，我的宝贝女儿，真对不起，我一定要写信投诉他们，该死的。”
Rule: Always know your materials.
恶作剧规则：了解你的整人工具。