某论坛一张发表于2008年的“时光穿越帖”走红网络。许多网友托这位“穿越哥”给过去的自己或家人朋友捎信儿——虽然大多是给自己和他人的告诫,但也不乏如多买房、指定号码买彩票的话。我们都希望挽回过失,纠正让自己后悔的事情,可是过去一旦被改变,未来也就不再是现在的境况了。如果真的有时间旅行,你一定能掌控过去的生活吗?即便是有备而来,结果或许也并不尽如人意。过去已经不能改变,我们能做的就是为未来打好基础——即便没有“时光穿越”,未来的我们也会过得很好。
So, I knew this guy from the future. I know what you’re thinking: yeah right注1! I told him the exact same thing. He kept being from the future anyhow. I asked him, of course, when he was from and he replied that the future of his origin was just far enough away for him not to be bothered by it presently.
He hadn’t come to warn us about anything. No impending[逼近] doom or nothing like that. The immediate future holds nothing but more of life, he said; more work, more hassle[激烈的争论] and that’s it. What he had actually come for was quite simple: he wanted to be very rich, quickly, with no work at all, and now he could. He had brought with him a list of all major sporting results of our time, and I told him that this was a very Back to the Future注2 thing to do. He replied that this was, in fact, from where he had gotten the idea. He added that any idea worth mentioning from this period of time had, in fact, come from Michael J. Fox anyway. When I inquired about paradoxes[自相矛盾的话] and the continuous flow of time[同time flow], he shrugged[耸肩] and said that he had no idea and didn’t really care much. He wasn’t the brightest sort – in fact, he was very simple-minded, wanting only money and nothing to do all day. In that sense, my friend and I were very much alike. So, of course he hadn’t any idea how the time machine had worked or nothing like that either. I guess it was really bad luck that no one brighter had come to our past, but there you go.
Naturally, he had no money with him, and immediately wanted to borrow as much money as I had so that he could place his sporting bets. I had plenty of crazy moochers[招摇撞骗的人] in my life, so I refused. But he then wrote me a list of all sporting results of importance for the upcoming Sunday and said that he would prove himself to me. And he did, spot-on[准确的] with every single result, and that, of course, changed things for me. I lent him everything I had and some of what I could loan from others around me, and we went to get rich. We agreed to split it all between us and divide the bets out among all the bookies[马票商,赛马的赌注者] we could find. By late Sunday we were rich, and we were so excited about it that we went out to celebrate in style[时髦地]. This was, after all, just the beginning of the good life.
我认识一个来自未来的家伙。我知道你们在想什么:你就扯吧!我就是这样对他说的。不知怎的,他总能从未来来到这里。我当然问过他来自哪个时代,他说他出身的年代离现在太遥远了,根本无须在意。
他并不是来向我们发出警示,并没有什么大难临头或者诸如此类的事情。他说,不久的将来除了更多的生活就没别的了;更多工作,更多争论,仅此而已。他来这里的真正原因很简单:他想变得非常有钱,一夜暴富,无须付出,现在他能做到这一点了。他带了一张清单,上面写满了我们这个时代所有大型体育赛事的结果。我告诉他,这简直就是一部《回到未来》。他回答说,这个点子实际上就是从这部电影得出来的。他还说,这个时期值得一提的想法实际上都出自迈克尔·J·福克斯。当我询问其中的悖论和连续不断的时间流时,他耸耸肩,称自己毫无头绪也不大在乎。他不是极其聪明的人——其实他头脑简单,一心只想发财,每天游手好闲。就这一点来说,我和我的朋友非常相似。他当然也不懂时间机器如何运作之类的事情。我想,来到我们这个过去的不是聪明人,这一点真不走运,然而世事就是这样。
可想而知,他不名一文,想立即把我的钱全都借走,用来进行体育博彩。我这辈子遇到太多招摇撞骗的疯子了,所以我拒绝了。但是他给我写了一张清单,上面有本周日所有重大体育赛事的结果,扬言要向我证明自己的能耐。他真的做到了,每一个结果都准确无误。这一下子改变了我的看法。我把自己的所有财产和从身边的人借来的钱全都借给他,我们一起出去发财。我们一致决定两人平分这笔钱,把钱投到我们能找到的所有赛马投注站。到周日晚上,我们已经非常富有,兴高采烈地来次时髦的庆祝。毕竟,这只是美好生活的开始。
As it turned out, though, it was the end of the good life as well. Some journalist noticed us poor-looking saps[笨蛋] tearing up town on a spending spree注3, and apparently[显然地] we bragged[自夸] to him about our scheme at some bar very late in the night. He had written an article on it, and the article was published. Then the sports results started changing, as we had somehow impacted the present enough to change the course of everything. During the next betting session we barely broke even[收支平衡]. We still had money left but not enough to base our whole lives on. This got my friend extremely depressed. He said that he certainly hadn’t come back to this crappy[(俚)蹩脚的] past just to be poor again here.
As I returned to work, saying easy-come-easy-go, my friend stayed at home getting increasingly depressed. I was actually worried that some strange time paradox would suddenly cause my friend to vanish, but that didn’t happen. Not in that sense at least. Instead he attempted to rob a bank. I saw it on the news live; he sucked[差劲] at that, too. He tried to drive off from the police on a bicycle which turned out just as ridiculous[荒唐的] as it sounds. I guess they didn’t have cars in the future he came from. Well, the trial was sort of quick and my friend went to jail for a long time.
I see him occasionally, but he has become quite gloomy[抑郁的] to talk to and miserable. When I saw him last he threatened me, saying that he felt that all of our winnings should really be his, and when he got out of jail he would come and take it all from me. Instead, I used what was left of his winnings to pay an old classmate of mine in the slammer[监狱] to rough up[殴打] my friend and discourage this strange idea of his. My old classmate put my friend up in the hospital for a couple of weeks in dire[可怕的] need of extensive dental[牙科的] work. Since then, I haven’t gone to visit him much as things have grown sort of awkward between us.
I fear that my friend doesn’t fit well into this time. But then he didn’t fit well into his own, either. Perhaps that is what it is to be a time traveler – not to fit in anywhere but just hurry through one’s own miserable life. I really don’t know, but then what does anyone really know about time travel anyway?
然而,随着事情的发展,这同时也是美好生活的结束。一位记者看到我们这两个笨蛋一副穷酸样,却横扫全镇疯狂购物——而很显然,我们午夜时分在某个酒吧里向他炫耀了我们的大计。他随即撰写了一篇关于此事的文章,并刊登出来。随后,体育赛事的结果开始发生变化,因为我们已经在某种程度上对“现在”造成了足够大的影响,改变了一切事情的发展。在下一个博彩季,我们勉强做到不赔不赚。我们还剩下一点钱,但已经不足以维持两人一辈子的全部生计。这让我的朋友极为沮丧。他说自己绝对不是为了再次过上苦日子才来到这蹩脚的过去。
我返回工作岗位,感叹着“来也匆匆,去也匆匆”,而我的朋友则一直呆在家里,日渐沮丧。我很担心某个奇怪的时间悖论会让我的朋友突然消失,不过这终究没有发生。至少不是以那种方式。他试图抢劫银行。我看到新闻的现场直播——他一点也不擅长打劫。他骑着自行车,企图摆脱警察,这就跟听起来一样荒唐。我猜他的那个未来肯定没有汽车。审判很快结束,我的朋友要被关进监狱很长一段时间。
我偶尔去探望他,不过他的言行越发阴郁,也越来越可悲了。我上一次见他时,他威胁说他认为我们赢得的全部钱财应该归他所有,他出狱后一定会回来向我讨回所有金钱。而我则用他剩下的钱买通我在监狱里的一个老同学,让老同学给他一点颜色看看,打消他那个奇怪的念头。我的老同学把我的朋友送进了医院,他要在那里接受几个星期的全面牙科治疗。从那以后,我就不怎么去看他了,因为我们的关系已经变得尴尬无比。
我想我的朋友在这个时代不怎么如鱼得水,然而他在属于自己的时代也混不开。也许这就是作为一个时间旅行者的无奈——在哪一个地方都无法适应,只是匆匆地过着自己可悲的生活。我也不知道是不是这样,然而谁又真正了解时间旅行那些事儿呢?
注1:短语,含讽刺意味,表示不相信、不可能。
注2:《回到未来》是一个美国科幻电影系列,共有三部,分别拍摄于1985年、1989年和1990年。它告诉人们未来并非一成不变,而是掌握在自己的手中。每部电影充满喜剧性的同时也有深刻寓意,发人深省。该电影系列的男主角为下文提到的迈克尔·J·福克斯(1961-)。他是加拿大籍美国演员、作家,曾五次获得艾美奖,四次获得金球奖,代表作除电影《回到未来》三部曲外,还有电视剧《家族的诞生》(Family Ties,1982-1989)、《旋转城市》(Spin City,1996-2001)。
注3:指“消费热潮”,spree在这里指一种“狂热行为”。