有一个传说,说的是有那么一只鸟儿,它一生只唱一次歌,那歌声比世上任何其他生灵的歌声都更加优美动听。从离开巢窝的那一刻起,它就在寻找着荆棘树,直到如愿以偿,才肯歇息下来。然后,它把自己的身体扎进最长、最尖的荆棘,在尖锐的枝条间放开了歌喉。在最后奄奄一息的时刻,它超脱了自身的痛苦,而那歌声竟然使云雀和夜莺都黯然失色。这是一支无比美好的歌,曲终而命竭。然而,整个世界都在静静地谛听着——因为最美好的东西只能用最深痛的巨创来换 取……这就是荆棘鸟的传说。
世界经典名著《荆棘鸟》是澳大利亚当代著名女作家Colleen Mccullough(考琳·麦卡洛,1937— )的长篇代表作之一,自1977年问世以来,迅速成为风靡全球的国际畅销小说,并先后被改编成影视剧,是20世纪80年代最佳畅销书之一。小说情节曲折生动,结构严密精巧,文笔清新婉丽,被誉为“澳大利亚的《飘》”。
小说进述的是克利里家族传奇式的家世史。故事开始于20世纪初叶,结束于60年代末70年代初,从帕迪·克利里应无儿无女的姐姐贵夫人玛丽·卡森之召,携妻子和七个子女从新西兰迁居澳大利亚的德罗海达牧羊场,到帕迪惟一幸存的孙辈——才华横溢的演员朱丝婷(梅吉与相貌酷似拉尔夫神父的剪毛工卢克·奥尼尔结婚后所生的女儿)在遥远的异国他乡确定了自己的人生道路和爱情归宿,讲述了克利里家整整三代人的人生经历和情感历程,其中最主要的是女主人公梅吉与拉尔夫神父之间那场刻骨铭心的爱情。年富力强的神父拉尔夫一心向往罗马教廷的权力,但他却爱上了牧主克利里的女儿——美丽绝伦的少女梅吉,内心处于权力与爱情之间深刻的矛盾之中,从而引发出一连串感人至深的故事。
本文节选自该小说的第19章。
When Meggie came into the room 1)Cardinal Ralph hardly knew her. It was thirteen years since he had last seen her; she was fifty-three and he was seventy-one. Both of them had aged now. Her face hadn’t changed so much as settled, and into a mold unlike the one he had given her in his imagination. Substitute a 2)trenchant 3)incisiveness for sweetness, 4)a touch of 5)iron for softness; she resembled a vigorous, aging, 6)willful 7)martyr rather than the 8)resigned, contemplative saint of his dreams. Her beauty was as striking as ever, her eyes still that clear silvery grey, but both had hardened, and the once 9)vivid hair had faded to a 10)drab 11)beige. Most disconcerting of all, she wouldn’t look at him for long enough to satisfy his eager and loving curiosity. Unable to greet this Meggie naturally, he stiffly indicated a chair. “Please sit down.”
当梅吉走进房间时,拉尔夫红衣主教简直不认得她了。自他最后一次见到她,已过了13年;她已经53岁,而他已经71岁了。现在,他们两人都上了年纪。她的面容并没大变,只是随岁月“积淀”了下来,变成了并非他在想象中赋予她的那个样子。一种极为深邃的神态代替了甜美,几分刚强代替了温柔;她更像一位老而弥坚、一意孤行的殉道士,而非他心中那顺从静思的圣徒。她还是一如以往地美丽动人,她的双眼还是那种清澈的银灰色,但却都变得冷酷了;那曾经光亮的秀发已经褪色成暗哑的淡棕色。最令人尴尬不安的是,她不太愿意花上一定的时间把目光停留在他身上与他对视,枉他满心急切,尽是关爱和疑惑。他无法神态自若地迎接这个梅吉,只拘谨地指了指一把椅子。“请坐。”
“Thank you,” she said, equally 12)stilted. It was only when she was seated and he could gaze down upon her whole person that he noticed how visibly swollen her feet and ankles were. “Meggie! Have you flown all the way through from Australia without breaking your journey? What’s the matter?”
“谢谢你。”她说道,同样显得不自然。只有当她坐了下来,他能俯看到她整个人的时候,他才注意到她的脚和脚踝全都肿起来了。“梅吉!你是从澳大利亚一路飞过来,中途连歇都没歇吗?怎么回事?”
“Yes, I did fly straight through,” she said. “For the past twenty-nine hours I’ve been sitting in planes between 13)Gilly and Rome, with nothing to do except stare out the window at the clouds, and think.” Her voice was harsh, cold.
“是的,我是直飞过来的,”她说道,“在刚过去的29个小时里,我就一直坐在从基利到罗马的飞机里,除了看着窗外云彩左思右想之外,什么也没有做。”她那声音硬邦邦,冷冰冰的。
“What’s the matter?” he repeated impatiently, anxious and fearful. She lifted her gaze from her feet and looked at him steadily. There was something awful in her eyes; something so dark and chilling that the skin on the back of his neck 14)crawled and automatically he put his hand up to 15)stroke it.
“怎么回事?”他不耐烦地重复了一遍,又焦急又恐惧。她不再盯着自己的脚,抬起头,坚定地望着他。在她的眼睛里有某种可怕的东西——阴郁冰冷到让他觉得颈后直起鸡皮疙瘩,他下意识地抬起手摩挲颈后。
“Dane is dead,” said Meggie. His hand slipped, 16)flopped like a 17)rag doll’s into his lap as he sank into a chair. “Dead?” he asked slowly. “Dane dead?” “Yes. He was drowned six days ago in 18)Crete, rescuing some women from the sea.”
“戴恩死了。”梅吉说道。他整个人塌到椅子上,手滑了下来,像布娃娃的手一般蓦地搁垂到大腿上。“死了?”他缓慢地问道,“戴恩死了?”“是的。六天前他在克里特岛为了从海里救起几个女人,溺水死了。”
He leaned forward, put his hands over his face. “Dead?” she heard him say indistinctly. “Dane dead? My beautiful boy! He can’t be dead! Dane—he was the perfect priest—all that I couldn’t be. What I lacked he had.” His voice broke. “He always had it—that was what we all recognized—all of us who aren’t perfect priests. Dead? Oh, dear Lord!”
他的身子向前一倾,两手盖在了脸上。“死了?”她听见他迷迷糊糊地说道,“戴恩死了?我的好孩子!他不可能死了!戴恩——他是个完美无暇的教士——我做不到的他都能做到。我缺的他都具备。”他的声音哑了。“他一直有这品质——我们大家都看得出来——所有我们这些并不完美的教士。死了?噢,我亲爱的上帝啊!”
“Don’t 19)bother about your dear Lord, Ralph,” said the stranger sitting opposite him. “You have more important things to do. I came to ask for your help—not to witness your grief. I’ve had all those hours in the air to20)go over the way I’d tell you this, all those hours just staring out the window at the clouds knowing Dane is dead. After that, your grief has no power to move me.”
“用不着为你亲爱的上帝操心,拉尔夫,”坐在他对面的那个“陌生人”说道,“你还有更重要的事情要做。我是来求你帮忙的——不是来看你悲天恸地的。在飞机上我一直在想着该怎么对你说这消息,二十多个小时就那样呆呆地看着窗外的云,想着戴恩已经死了。经过那一切之后,你再怎么悲伤我也是不为所动的了。”
Yet when he lifted his face from his hands her dead cold heart 21)bounded, 22)twisted, leaped. It was Dane’s face, with a suffering written upon it that Dane would never live to feel. Oh, thank God he’s dead, can never now go through what this man has, what I have. Better he’s dead than to suffer something like this.
然而,当他从手中抬起头来时,她那麻木冰冷的心却怦然一动,惊慌着跳了起来。那是戴恩的脸庞,那一脸的愁苦却是戴恩不可能再经受的。哦,感谢上帝,他已经死了,现在他决不会再经受这男人和我所受的那种苦了。与其让他受这样的折磨,还不如让他死了的好。
“How can I help, Meggie?” he asked quietly, suppressing his own emotions to 23)don the soul-deep 24)guise of her spiritual counselor.
“我能帮上什么忙,梅吉?”他平静地问道,抑制住自己的情绪,故作镇静,发自内心深处地装出一副她的精神导师的姿态。
“They’ve buried Dane somewhere on Crete, and I can’t find out where, when, why.” She leaned forward in her chair tensely. “I want my boy back, Ralph, I want him found and brought home to sleep where he belongs. I’d keep him on 25)Drogheda and I will, if I have to crawl on my hands and knees through every graveyard on Crete. No fancy Roman priest’s tomb for him, Ralph. He’s to come home.”
“他们把戴恩埋在了克里特岛上的某个地方,我搞不清埋在什么地方,什么时候埋的,为什么埋在那里。”椅子上的她忽地往前一挺,说道,“拉尔夫,我得要回我的孩子,我要找到他,把他带回故土,让他长眠在他所归属的地方。我要让他长眠在德罗海达,就算得双手双膝触地爬遍克里特岛的每一片墓地,我都要这样做。不要给他建什么华而不实的罗马教士墓,拉尔夫。他要回到故里。”
“No one is going to deny you that, Meggie,” he said gently. “It’s 26)consecrated Catholic ground, which is all the Church asks. I too have requested that I be buried on Drogheda.”
“梅吉,谁也不会拒绝你这个要求的,”他温和地说道,“那是天主教的圣地,教会也别无所求,只要那块地。我也已经请求将来把我葬在德罗海达了。”
“I can’t get through all the 27)red tape,” she went on, as if he hadn’t spoken. “I can’t speak Greek, and I have no power or influence. So I came to you, to use yours. Get me back my son, Ralph!”
“我不懂那些繁琐的手续,”她继续说道,仿佛他没讲过话似的。“我不会说希腊语。我没有权力和影响力。所以我来找你,希望动用你的权力和影响力,找回我的儿子,拉尔夫!”
“Don’t worry, Meggie, we’ll get him back, though it may not be very quickly. However, I’m not without friends in Greece, so it will be done. Let me start the 28)wheels in motion immediately, and don’t worry. He is a priest of the Holy Catholic Church, we’ll get him back.” His hand had gone to the 29)bell cord, but Meggie’s coldly fierce gaze 30)stilled it.
“别担心,梅吉,我们会把他找回来的,尽管也许没那么快。但是,我在希腊也不是没有朋友的,所以事情会办成的。我马上就动用人脉关系,你不用担心。他是神圣的天主教会教士,我们会把他找回来的。”他的手已经伸到了信号铃的拉绳上,但是,梅吉那冷酷严厉的目光制止了那只手。
“You don’t understand, Ralph. I don’t want wheels set in motion. I want my son back—not next week or next month, but now! You speak Greek, you can get visas for yourself and me, you’ll get results. I want you to come to Greece with me now, and help me get my son back.” 
“你不明白,拉尔夫,我不要你动用人脉关系。我想要我的儿子回来——不是下周或下个月,而是现在!你会讲希腊语,你能替自己和我弄到签证,你会把事情办成。我希望你和我现在就到希腊去,帮助我找回我的儿子。”
There was much in his eyes: tenderness, compassion, shock, grief. But they had become the priest’s eyes too, sane, logical, reasonable. “Meggie, I love your son as if he were my own, but I can’t leave Rome at the moment. I’m not a 31)free agent—you above all others should know that. No matter how much I may feel for you, how much I may feel on my own account, I can’t leave Rome in the midst of a vital congress. I am the 32)Holy Father’s 33)aide.”
他的眼中流露出多种神情:温柔、 同情、震惊、哀伤。但是,它们也早已变成了一双教士的眼睛——稳健、条理清晰、理智。“梅吉,我爱你的儿子就好像他是我的儿子一样,但是眼下我不能离开罗马。我不是个能随心所欲的自由人——对此你应该是再了解不过的。不管我对你有多少感情,不管我个人有多少感情,开着这么重要的会议,我不能就这样中途离开罗马的。我是教皇的助手。”
She 34)reared back, stunned and outraged, then shook her head, half-smiling as if at the 35)antics of some 36)inanimate object beyond her power to influence; then she trembled, licked her lips, seemed to come to a decision and sat up straight and stiff. “Do you really love my son as if he were your own, Ralph?” she asked. “What would you do for a son of yours? Could you sit back then and say to his mother, No, I’m very sorry, I can’t possibly 37)take the time off? Could you say that to the mother of your son?” Dane’s eyes, yet not Dane’s eyes. Looking at her; bewildered, full of pain, helpless.
她惊怒退身,不知所措、极为愤怒。随后,她摇了摇头,半笑着,好像是冲着某个她无法借助自己的力量加以影响的死物。然后,她颤抖着,舔了舔嘴唇,似乎做出了一个决定;她直起身来,僵直地坐着。“拉尔夫,你当真像爱你自己的儿子那样爱我的儿子吗?”她问道,“你会为你自己的儿子做什么呢?你能往后一坐,对他的母亲说,不行,我非常抱歉,我不可能腾出时间吗?你能对你儿子的母亲说那样的话吗?”那双酷似戴恩的眼睛,然而又不是戴恩的眼睛在望着她;他大惑不解,痛苦万分,不知如何是好。
“Dane was your son too,” said Meggie.
He stared at her blankly. “What?”
“I said, Dane was your son too. When I left38)Matlock Island I was pregnant. Dane was yours, not Luke O’Neill’s.”
“It—isn’t—true!”
“I never intended you to know, even now,” she said. “Would I lie to you?”
“To get Dane back? Yes,” he said faintly.
“戴恩也是你的儿子。”梅吉说道。
他茫然若失地盯着她。“什么?”
“我说,戴恩也是你的儿子。我离开麦特劳克岛的时候已经怀孕了。戴恩是你的儿子,不是卢克·奥尼尔的。”
“这——不是——真的!”
“我从来就没打算让你知道,即使是现在,”她说道,“我会对你说谎吗?”
“为了把戴恩找回来?你会的。”他虚弱地说道。
She got up, came to stand over him in the red 39)brocade chair, took his thin, 40)parchment-like hand in hers, bent and kissed the ring, the breath of her voice misting its ruby to milky 41)dullness. “By all that you hold holy, Ralph, I swear that Dane was your son. He was not and could not have been Luke’s. By his death I swear it.”
她起身,走到坐在红锦缎面椅子上的他的身旁,站着,把他那瘦小,像羊皮纸似的手放在她的手中,弯下腰吻着那手上的戒指;她说话的气息使戒指上的红宝石蒙上了一层淡淡的雾气。“拉尔夫,对着你珍视的一切至神至圣,我发誓,戴恩是你的儿子。他不是也不可能是卢克的。我敢对着他的魂发誓。”
There was a 42)wail, the sound of a soul passing between the 43)portals of Hell. Ralph de Bricassart fell forward out of the chair and wept, huddled on the crimson carpet in a scarlet 44)pool like new blood, his face hidden in his folded arms, his hands clutching at his hair.
一阵失声哀号,犹如灵魂穿过地狱入口时发出的声音。拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特从椅子上向前跌坐在地上,哭泣着,在深红色的地毯上蜷缩成鲜红的一团,如同一滩刚刚流淌出来的鲜血,他把脸埋在臂弯中,双手抓着自己的头发。
“Yes, cry!” said Meggie. “Cry, now that you know! It’s right that one of his parents be able to shed tears for him. Cry, Ralph! For twenty-six years I had your son and you didn’t even know it, you couldn’t even see it. Couldn’t see that he was you all over again! When my mother took him from me at birth she knew, but you never did. Your hands, your feet, your face, your eyes, your body. Only the color of his hair was his own; all the rest was you. Do you understand now? ”
“是的,哭吧!”梅吉说道,“哭吧,现在你知道了吧!父母中有一个能够为他流泪,这才对。哭吧,拉尔夫!你儿子在我那儿26年了,你一点儿也不知道,甚至看不出来。看不出他完完全全是你的翻版!他出生时,我母亲一接过他就看出来了,可是你却从来没有发觉。你的手,你的脚,你的脸庞,你的眼睛,你的身材。他只有头发的颜色是他自己的;其他的都是你的。现在你明白了吧?”
She sat in her chair, 45)implacable and 46)unpitying, and watched the scarlet form in its agony on the floor. “I loved you, Ralph, but you were never mine. Dane was my part, all I could get from you. I vowed you’d never know, I vowed you’d never have the chance to take him away from me. And then he gave himself to you, of his own free will. The 47)image of the perfect priest, he called you. What a laugh I had over that one! But not for anything would I have given you a weapon like knowing he was yours. Except for this! For nothing less would I have told you. He doesn’t belong to either of us anymore… ”
她坐在她的椅子上,不带一丝宽恕和怜悯之情地望着地板上那个极其痛苦的鲜红身影。“我爱你,拉尔夫,但你从来不是我的。戴恩是我的一部分,是我所能从你那里得到的一切。我曾发誓决不让你知道,我曾发誓决不让你有机会把他从我身边带走。可是后来,他把他自己给了你,出于他的自由意志。他称你是一个完美无瑕的教士典范。当年这话听来是那么的可笑!但是,即使拿任何东西作交换,我也不愿意让你知道他是你儿子,我不要你得到这样的‘武器’。除了这种情况!因为要告诉你的也不外如此。他再也不属于我们当中的任何一个了……” 
