John Lennon (约翰·列侬)这个名字对于很多人来说可能很陌生,但是The Beatles (披头士乐队)却几乎是无人不知、无人不晓。John Lennon是披头士乐队的灵魂人物。讲述John Lennon成长经历的电影 《约翰·列侬的少年时代》(Nowhere Boy)改编自John Lennon同母异父的妹妹Julia Baird (朱莉娅·贝尔德)撰写的回忆录《想象一下:和哥哥约翰·列侬一起长大》(Imagine This:Growing up with My Brother John Lennon),影片名则源于披头士乐队的歌曲“Nowhere Man”。这首歌中唱道:“He's a real nowhere man, sitting in his Nowhere Land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody; doesn't have a point of view; knows not where he's going to. Isn't he a bit like you and me? (他从来都是个漂泊者,随遇而安,四海为家,不为谁谁;不为所知,没有思想,没有方向。是不是和你我有点像?)”
问题少年无处可去?
1955年的利物浦。这一年,John Lennon才15岁,是个放荡不羁的年轻人。每个人在成长期都有过纠结烦闷, John也不例外。他的纠结来自于童年的一段不幸经历,也来自于两个母亲对他抚养权的“争夺”。
5岁时,John就离开了自己的亲生父母,被Mimi姨妈收养。虽然Mimi姨妈和George姨父把他照顾得无微不至,但被亲生父母遗弃的不愉快记忆却时时萦绕在John的脑海里,挥之不去。 他逆反倔强的性格与循规蹈矩的学校生活格格不入,罚站、被批评、被劝退等这些对于他来说早已是家常便饭。在同学眼里,John逃学、扒公车、烟不离手、调戏同学、看不良杂志,是个不折不扣的小混混;在老师眼里,John成天游手好闲、无所事事,是一个无可救药的坏学生。老师甚至断言John将来连找工作都只能凭运气。
Teacher: This is why you'll be lucky to find a job on the docks (码头) because at the moment you're going nowhere. Here at Quarry Bank generally ... nowhere.
John: Is "nowhere" full of geniuses, sir? Because then I probably do belong there.
与生母相认,与音乐结缘
都说叛逆和愤怒是孕育Rocker (摇滚歌手)的土壤,也或许正是这一切的累积,使得John内心的能量不断积蓄,直至最后爆发。George姨父的突然去世,令那种没有了父亲、无所依靠的感觉重新侵袭着John。经过一番思想斗争后,John决定去拜访已经很久没有见面、几乎成为记忆碎片的亲生母亲Julia。
Julia是个和Mimi姨妈截然相反的人:Mimi姨妈古板守旧,喜爱古典乐,衣着单色素雅,她的爱含蓄而矜持;Julia则热情活泼,痴迷流行乐,衣着艳丽花哨,她的爱外露而奔放。都说孩子的性格很大一部分遗传自母亲,对各种流行音乐和摇滚音乐等当时的前卫音乐颇有了解和兴趣的Julia让厌倦了当时姨妈家和学校两点一线生活的John重新燃起了对生活的热情和期望。久违的快乐和深藏内心的亲情让John更加厌恶姨妈家的生活。也就是在这种情况下,母亲手把手教会John弹奏班卓琴,让John体会到了久违的快乐,其快乐程度可以和这个场景媲美的则是John逃学、扒公车的那一次。而这一次,让他快乐的是音乐,足以改变他一生的音乐。
这个时期正好是摇滚乐的萌芽期,摇摆爵士乐大行其道,Elvis Presley (猫王)刚刚开始走红。Julia带John去看猫王演唱会,使John第一次领略到了摇滚乐的魅力,自此以后,John对音乐的狂热一发不可收拾。
John: Oh, why couldn't God make me Elvis?
Julia: 'Cos he was saving you for John Lennon.
John: I'll get you back for that, God!
有了母亲的鼓励和音乐的陪伴,John忘记了Mimi姨妈,忘记了学校,也忘记了所有的烦恼。然而,旷课次数太多的John被学校劝退,劝退通知书寄到了Mimi姨妈家里。Mimi姨妈勃然大怒,找到John,用自己的方式执着地对这个年轻人进行说教。Julia已经重新组建了家庭,有了丈夫和孩子,John最终迫于压力还是回到了Mimi姨妈家,回到了那个固执地用自己的方式去疼爱他的姨妈身边。
结识音乐挚友,组建采石者乐队
被迫和母亲分开的John却并没有放弃对音乐的热爱。细心的Mimi姨妈也似乎发现了John对音乐的痴迷,于是给John买了他人生第一把属于自己的吉他,为这个注定为音乐而生的年轻人的音乐道路增添了无穷动力。然而,John并没有遵守自己对姨妈许下的诺言,没有更好地学习,而是几乎把所有精力投入在吉他练习和音乐创作上,Mimi姨妈得知后,卖掉了John的第一把吉他。在那个时候,吉他就是John最好的伙伴和精神寄托,知道姨妈卖掉了自己的吉他后,情绪完全失控的John夺门而出,而此时,Mimi眼眶里的泪水不是心酸、失望,还会是什么呢?John第一时间就想到了Julia,很快,在Julia的帮助下,John拿回了自己的吉他,并做出了一个重大决定——集合自己的好友Eric、Pete、Len、Rodders,组建一支属于自己的乐队。
John: At ease, fuckwits (俚语,蠢货).
Eric: What's up, John?
Pete: I take it we're not here for a communal (公共的) crap (废话).
John: You've been picked to be in my band.
Len: A band?
Eric: A band, John?
Len: But I don't know how to play anything.
Rodders: Me neither.
John: It's a skiffle (噪音爵士乐) band. You don't have to know. What's important is I've chosen you, and we're going to be great.
就这样,“采石者”乐队(The Quarry Man)诞生了。虽然只有简单的乐器,但他们的第一次演出还是非常成功,博得了观众热烈的掌声和喝彩。而最让John感动的,就是人群里那个随着节奏起舞的红头发女人——自己的亲生母亲Julia,她自始至终都站在台下,默默地给他支持。
然而,当John遇到Paul McCartney,他的音乐道路才得以真正开始,尽管第一次见面时John并不愿意承认Paul在音乐上的才华。
John: I'm John.
Paul: Paul.
John: So, did you watch us play?
Paul: Yeah, yeah.
John: And?
Paul: Yeah, you're alright.
John: We're alright? You're alright. Ivan likes you and he's alright. How alright are you on one of those?
Paul: I'm alright.
John: [见Paul将吉他背在右肩,左手拨弦] You got that back to front, haven't you, mate?
Paul: Any requests?
John: [John拨弄了一下Paul胸前佩戴的康乃馨] That pink carnation (康乃馨) is very dandy (极好的). Can I borrow it?
[Paul自弹自唱起来]
John: Nice to meet you, you know, but we've got to rehearse for our evening gig (演唱会).
Paul: Well, I've got to get off anyway ...
John: Ta-ta (回头见), then.
Paul: Alright.
Ivan: I'd rather him in our band than anyone else's.
有了Paul的加入,John的音乐道路更加顺畅。这个亦敌亦友的家伙不仅纠正了John在吉他弹奏技巧上的错误,还劝他尝试自己写歌,教会他“摇滚”的真正内涵。
Paul: You know, er, if we're going to do this, we should write our own stuff. Then you don't get stiffed (艰难的) by record companies.
John: I write stuff. Not songs, more poetry ... you know, stories.
Paul: Add a tune and you've got a song.
John: Have you written any?
Paul: A couple.
John: Why do you know so much? I mean you don't seem like the rock'n'roll kind of guy.
Paul: You mean I don't go round smashing (猛砸) things up and acting like a dick (家伙)?
John: Yeah.
Paul: No. It's music. That's it, it's just music. Simple.
知晓身世,化解伤悲
John的生日party及乐队庆功宴上,在酒精的作用下,John勇敢地揭开了自己心头最大的伤疤——关于自己的爸爸。而John的语气几乎不是在提问,而是在质问,甚至最后更像是控诉——对亲情的控诉,对生活的控诉,他还只是一个大孩子,一个很简单、热爱音乐、并且想知道自己爸爸在哪里的孩子。
John: Where's Dad? They're called Dads, right? Most people I know got one.
Julia: I don't think ...
John: Oh, don't you, Mum? Well, I do. Think, think, think. That's all I do. Where's Daddy, Mummy? Alf, that's his name, right? Well, where's fucking Alf then?
Julia: Please don't swear, John.
John: Make you feel uncomfortable, doesn't it? Try being me for the last 17 years when everyone asks why your auntie is your Mum. Now, that's uncomfortable. Oh, here we go. Who turned the taps on?
Julia: Please don't be horrible to me, John.
John: Oh! Me being horrible to you? Oh, I see. Horrible John, naughty John, poor Julia. [Julia想要走开] No, no. No walking away. I know you're good at it, but not tonight. Where is he?
Julia: Oh! New Zealand, maybe. I don't know.
John: Not round the corner, like you?
Julia: He was in the merchant navy. No letters, no money. He abandoned us.
John: Then you abandoned me!
Julia: It was a temporary thing. Mimi agreed.
John: Temporary? I'm still living with her.
Julia: I wanted you back. I always wanted you back.
John: Oh, I don't believe you. Honest.
Julia: She never gave you back.
John: But surely I'm not Mimi's to give. You're my Mum.
Julia: She ... She loves you so much.
John: Yeah, more than you.
Julia: I do love you. Believe me.
John: Believe me. I would love to.
Julia: John, where are you going?
John: Away from you.
妈妈给不出答案,因为世界上有很多事情,真的就那样发生了,看似荒谬,但却真实。沮丧的John回到了姨妈家——满桌子的饭菜,精致的生日蛋糕,一把全新的吉他——彻夜未休的Mimi姨妈仍然在用自己的方式执着地去爱着这个孩子,尽管他曾破口大骂,尽管他曾夺门而出。
Julia随之找到了Mimi姨妈家,想要回John,Mimi姨妈终于再也忍不住,向John说出了母亲“抛弃”他的经过:原来一开始是母亲Julia背叛了父亲。父母离婚时,John才5岁,他选择了跟父亲生活,但Mimi阿姨不忍心年幼的John随父亲漂泊到遥远的New Zealand,所以将John偷走。如果说当年让一个5岁的孩子做出选择有些残酷,18岁时亲生母亲“从天而降”却不能在一起无疑更加残酷,尤其是对于一个生性敏感、在严重缺乏父爱的沉闷环境下成长起来的叛逆少年来说,知道事情的真相无异于在他的旧伤口上撒盐。John不想再夹在两个爱她的女人中间手足无措,于是冲出家门,彻夜未归。离开时,John对她们说:“也许我离开了,你们才能记起自己曾经是姐妹。你们是爱对方的”。
John搬出了Mimi姨妈的家,一边上大学一边用心经营着自己的采石者乐队,不再纠结于自己的身世,而是将人生的全部重心放在了实现自己的音乐梦想上。令人欣慰的是,如John所愿,Julia和Mimi姨妈这对姐妹在僵持了十几年后也最终和解,一起坐在躺椅上,沐浴温暖的阳光。只可惜上天妒嫉这样的温馨与和谐,在那样一个美满的场景之后,突然地夺走了Julia的生命:在回家的路上,Julia过马路时被汽车撞死。John狠狠地揍了Paul一顿后抱着他泪流满面:“我才刚刚开始了解她……”
幸好还有Mimi姨妈陪着John,而John也终于明白,Mimi姨妈其实是一个有爱的人,她一直用自己的方式默默地爱着George姨父,也从来没有恨过自己妹妹Julia。
John: [在George姨父墓前] Did you love him?
Mimi: Well, that's a horrible thing to say.
John: You never showed it.
Mimi: You just didn't see it.
John: With my eyesight, possibly. I'm not going to hold it against her. What she did in Blackpool (黑龙潭).
Mimi: Forgive and forget, I suppose.
John: Forget? I wish. There's just no point hating someone you love. I mean, really love. Is there, Mimi?
最好的去处——音乐天堂
由于乐队自身的发展需要,John决定和自己的伙伴去德国发展。临走前,他找到Mimi姨妈要出生证明办护照,请她在“监护人或父母”一栏签名,Mimi姨妈问John自己是监护人还是父母,John一句“Both”令Mimi姨妈不禁泪水盈眶。John离开后,从来不善于表达爱的Mimi姨妈脸上的表情错综复杂,有不舍,有担忧,但更多的是对John的祝福以及看到一个少年成熟后勇于追求自己梦想的欣慰。
两个不同女人的爱,促成了一个伟大的灵魂,这才有了后来的那支伟大的乐队,进而影响着数代人。影片最后,John为两位伟大的“母亲”创作的歌曲“Mother”久久回荡:“Mother, You had me, but I never had you. Oh, I wanted you; you didn't want me. (母亲,你拥有我,但我从未拥有你。我需要你,可你不需要我……)”也许在John心里,将永远留有一份总也无法弥补的遗憾,只能以歌传情,献给自己最爱的人。