谎言,一个不容忽视也无法回避的话题——每个人时不时都可能会说谎,无论是善意的小谎言,还是恶意的弥天大谎。谎言,就如一面镜子照出人的另一面。
看美剧Lie to Me(《别对我撒谎》)时,蓦然发现,我们虽然可以借助高科技仪器以及通过研究人的各种细微表情来识别大大小小的谎言,但人心何其复杂,谎言又何其多。何况一旦谎言被识破,痛苦的往往不只是说谎者,拆穿谎言的人也难免会因此对这世界多存一份怀疑。长久下去,我们生活的世界可能会变成一个缺乏诚信,充斥谎言的可怕地方。而那将是人类莫大的悲哀!
海涅说:“生命不可能从谎言中开出灿烂的鲜花。”正因如此,在这个真实和谎言纠结的年代,我们需要揭开谎言的面纱,一探究竟——毕竟从心底里,我们更渴望彼此真实以对,坦诚相待!
——Maisie
It’s been said that “everybody lies sometimes.” And it’s true. Everyone does lie from time to time. Men lie; women lie. Husbands lie, friends lie, wives lie, and believe it or not, your mother might lie.
据说“每个人时不时都会撒谎”,这话不假。每个人偶尔都会撒撒谎。男人撒谎,女人撒谎。丈夫撒谎,朋友撒谎,妻子撒谎,而且信不信由你,你的母亲也可能撒谎呢。
A recent study showed that 91 percent of all People lie on a regular basis, and people tell at least 13 major lies a week, according to a recent segment of 1)The Oprah Winfrey Show called the “Liar, Liar Test.” Since lying occurs so frequently, 2)Jet polled a number of psychologists, sociologists, marriage counselors and other experts to find out: Do men or women lie the most?
最近的一项调查显示,在所有受访人之中有91%的人经常撒谎。近期一集《奥普拉·温弗瑞秀》中的大话王测试环节表明,人们一个星期里至少要撒13次大谎。由于谎言出现得如此频繁,著名时尚杂志《JET》请来一大批心理学家、社会学家、婚姻顾问和其他专家,一起探讨一个问题——究竟是男人还是女人更爱撒谎?
The first thing one has to understand about lying is that there are at least five different types of liars: the model of absolute 3)integrity, the real 4)straight-shooter, the 5)pragmatic 6)fibber, a real 7)Pinocchio and the 8)compulsive liar, according to sociologist-9)anthropologist Dr. Gina Graham Scott.
根据社会学家兼人类学家吉娜·格雷厄姆·斯科特博士的观点,说到撒谎的人,首先要了解的是他们至少可以分为五类:绝对诚实的典范、相当坦诚正直的人、功利撒谎者、现实匹诺曹和撒谎成性的人。
Dr. Scott explained that the model of absolute integrity “is one who is very ethical, and almost rarely lies.” The real straight-shooter is “an occasional, flexible liar, but most of the time, the person will tell the truth,” Dr. Scott notes. “If someone says, ‘Do you like my tie?’ and he answers yes, but he really hates it, he will say he likes it because he doesn’t want to say something negative or bad.”
斯科特博士解释说,绝对诚实的典范是“那些行事非常合乎道德规范,且几乎不怎么撒谎的人。”而相当坦诚正直的人是“一个会看情形偶尔撒谎的人,但大多数时候这种人会说实话。”斯科特博士指出:“如果有人说:‘你喜欢我的领带吗?’他会回答说喜欢,但其实他很讨厌那东西。他之所以会说他喜欢,是因为他不想说出负面或不好的话来。”
The pragmatic fibber is one who lies “when the situation calls for it. A situational liar lies when he feels like it’s in his best interest,” Scott says. She describes the real Pinocchio liar as “someone who exaggerates. For example, the salesman who goes beyond the 10)hype and exaggerates. He has no 11)qualms about lying and will tell people things to get something from them”. And the compulsive liar is “somebody who just can’t tell the truth,” Scott explains. “He lies about almost everything, even when he doesn’t have to; this is the person who is almost getting to the point of being a 12)pathological liar; almost anything he says is not going to be true.”
功利撒谎者是那种“当形势需要时会撒谎的人。一个会见风驶舵的人会在他感觉那对自己最有利时撒谎,”斯科特说。而现实的匹诺曹式撒谎者,她则形容为是那种“喜欢夸夸其谈的人。例如,那些夸大其词,将产品吹得天花乱坠的销售员。他对撒谎不存在良心不安,为了能从别人那里得到某些东西而信口开河。” 另外,撒谎成性的人就是“那种将谎话当成实话来说的人,”斯科特解释说,“他几乎对任何事情都会撒谎,即使是在他没必要撒谎的时候;这种人几乎成了一个病态的大话王,几乎他说的每一件事情都不会是真的。”
Dr. Robert G. Newby, the professor of sociology at 13)Central Michigan University, believes that men lie more than women. “Men are more concerned about how they present themselves in public, the impression they make on people and things like that,” he says. “Men are always trying to impress people in the work and want to make sure that their presentation of self is one that makes them look good.” Women, on the other hand, Dr. Newby believes “are more private people and their relationships tend to be more interpersonal, as opposed to having to put on a public face. Women are more vulnerable and they are not as likely to try to 14)pull the wool over someone’s eyes like men.”
美国中密歇根大学的社会学教授罗伯特·G·纽拜博士相信,男人比女人更爱撒谎。“男人更关注他们自己的公众形象,及他们给人们留下的印象等诸如此类的事情,”他说,“男人总是试图在工作中给人们留下深刻印象,希望确保摆出的自我形象是能让人艳羡赞美的。”而女人,从另一方面来说,纽拜博士相信“是更关注私人圈子的人,且她们更倾向于私下的人际互动,而不是非得戴上一副公众面孔。女人更加敏感,所以她们不像男人那样可能想要蒙骗他人。”
Dr. Maisha Hamilton-Bennett, executive director of Hamilton Life Institute in Chicago and a past president of 15)the Association of Black Psychologists, also believes that men lie the most. “Men are desired and valued in relationships based on what they have,” Dr. Hamilton-Bennett points out. “So a man may 16)overstate what he has to make himself appear more 17)desirable to a woman. He may overstate his income, what level he works at on the job or he may even borrow a car and claim that it is his.”
梅莎·汉密尔顿—贝内特博士是芝加哥汉密尔顿生命研究院的行政总监,也是黑人心理学家协会的前主席,她也相信男人更爱撒谎。“在男女关系中,男人的吸引力和价值是基于他拥有些什么”汉密尔顿—贝内特博士指出。“所以一个男人可能夸大他所拥有的东西,让自己显得更能让女人动心。他可能会夸大收入、工作级别,他甚至还可能向别人借车,然后宣称那是他自己的。”
“And women are valued on how they look. Women often ‘lie’ in their appearance to be more attractive to men,” she explains. “Women do change their appearance to look slimmer; they wear 18)girdles to look slimmer; they wear makeup to hide 19)blemishes; they wear wigs and 20)contact lenses to change the color of their eyes.”
“而女人则注重外表。女人常常在外表上‘撒谎’,为求吸引男士,”她解释说,“女人确实会通过改变她们的外表来看上去更苗条。她们穿束身衣以显得苗条;她们用化妆来掩饰瑕疵;她们会戴假发,也会戴上隐形眼镜来改变眼睛的颜色。”
Dr. Ronn Elmore, Los Angeles-based relationship counselor, does not believe that lying is based on gender. “But oftentimes men are accused of being the greater liars in relationships because women are more concerned with getting lied to,” he says.
来自洛杉矶的两性关系顾问罗 恩·埃尔默博士并不认为谎言与性别有必然关系。“但男人在两性关系中却常常被指责为更爱撒谎,因为女性更计较自己所受的欺骗。”他说。
Elmore continues, “I also believe when women lie it tends to be verbal, plain old-fashioned lies with words. But when men lie, it is often nonverbal, as in doing what he says he would not do or not doing what he promised he would do. Either way, it’s a lie, male version or female version. It is the opposite of integrity.”
埃尔默接着说道:“我也相信女人撒谎通常是口头上的,简单而老式的语言谎言。但男人撒谎,通常是非语言的,譬如去做他说不会做的事情,或者不做他答应要做的事情。无论是男式撒谎抑或女式撒谎,都是撒谎。都是有悖诚信的。”
Vesta Callender, 21)psychotherapist in New York City, also agrees that one’s gender does not play a role in lying, but men and women do lie differently. “Women are much more careful in their lies. They plan better,” Callender notes. “They create a history around the lie, and they try to project into the future what might happen if the lie is detected. With a woman, a lie has a beginning, a middle and an end. It’s a real 22)entanglement.” Callender believes that men “tend to lie for the moment or to get out of a situation. Men think less about how the lie can be detected.”
纽约市的心理治疗师维斯塔·卡兰德也同意说,性别与撒谎无关,但男人和女人撒谎的方式各不相同。“女人对她们的谎言更小心谨慎。她们会准备得更好,”卡兰德指出。“她们会给自己的谎言设计好前因后果,编个全套,而且她们还会想好万一谎言被识破会怎样。女人要撒谎,那谎言会有开端、发展和结尾,错综复杂。”卡兰德认为男人“则倾向于着眼目前,或只为摆脱某个状况而撒谎。男人较少考虑谎言会如何被揭穿。”
Dr. Elmore stresses that while it is true that most people lie from time to time, one should be truthful. “Be truthful at any cost. Everything that is true does not need to be said, but everything said needs to be true. You don’t have to say everything on your mind, but whatever you do say needs to be fact, not fiction.”
埃尔默博士强调说,虽然大多数人时不时会说谎,这是事实,但一个人还是应该要诚实。“无论如何都要诚实。不是所有事实真相都要说出来,但说出来的话都应该是实话。你不需要把心中所想全说出来,但你所说的每句话都应该是事实,而不是虚构的。”