永诀 Final Goodbye

永诀 Final Goodbye

　　“Im going home to ¹⁾ Denmark, son, and I just wanted to tell you I love you.”
　　In my dad’s last telephone call to me, he repeated that line seven times in one half-hour. I wasn’t listening at the right level. I heard the words, but not the message, and certainly not their profound intent. I believed my dad would live to be over 100 years old, as my great uncle lived to be 107 years old. I had not felt his²⁾ remorse over Mom’s death, understood his intense loneliness as an “³⁾ empty nester,” or realized most of his ⁴⁾ pals had ⁵⁾ long since left the world. He ⁶⁾ relentlessly requested my brothers and I create grandchildren so that he could be a devoted grandfather. I was too busy “entrepreneuring” to really listen.
　　“Dad’s dead,” sighed my brother Brian, on July 4, l982.

　　我要回丹麦了，儿子。打电话来只是想告诉你，我爱你。”
　　这是父亲打来的最后一个电话。在半小时内，他把这句话重复了七遍。我没有认真领会这句话的潜在涵义。我听到了他的话，但没往心里去，当然不明白其中的深意。我一直坚信父亲会长命百岁，因为我叔公就活到了107岁。我没想到妈妈的逝世会让他悲痛至此，体会不到父亲独守“空巢”有多么孤独，也没有意识到他众多好友的早早辞世更平添了他的寂寞。他一直要求我们几个兄弟生儿育女，好让他抱上孙子，不再百无聊赖。但我总是借口“生意太忙”，并不真正理会他的话。
　　“爸爸走了，”1982年7月4日，弟弟布莱恩叹了口气告诉我。

　　My little brother is a witty lawyer and has a humorous, quick mind. I thought he was setting me up for a joke, and I awaited the ⁷⁾ punch lineÑthere wasn’t one. “Dad died in Denmark in the bed he was born in,” continued Brian. “The funeral directors are putting him in a ⁸⁾ coffin, and shipping Dad and his belongings to us tomorrow. We need to prepare for the funeral.”
　　I was speechless. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to happen. If I knew these were to be Dad’s final days, I would have asked to go with him to Denmark. I believe in the ⁹⁾ hospice movement, which says: “No one should die alone.” A loved one should hold your hand and comfort you when you leave the world. I would have offered ¹⁰⁾ consolation during his final hour, if I’d been really listening. Dad announced his departure as best he could, and I had missed it. I felt grief, pain and remorse. Why had I not been there for him? He’d always been there for me.
　　弟弟是个机智诙谐的律师，脑子特别灵活。当时我以为他在开玩笑，等着他说下文——结果发现这并不是玩笑。“爸爸去世了，就在丹麦他出生的那张床上，”布莱恩接着说，“丧事主持正把他放进棺材里，明天就把遗体和遗物运到我们这里来。我们得准备丧礼了。”
　　我顿时无语。这是我万万没想到的。如果我知道那是父亲生命里的最后一些日子，我一定会陪他回丹麦。我相信“临终关怀”的必要性，因为“不应该有人孤独地离开这个世界。”当你离开这个世界的时候，应该有一个爱你的人握着你的手，在一旁给你安慰。如果当时我真的用心听他的话，我也许能在他弥留之际给他一点安慰。父亲以最好的方式宣告了他的离去，但我却很遗憾地错过了。我悲恸不已，追悔莫及。为什么我没陪伴他度过最后的时刻呢？他可是一生都伴随在我身旁啊。

　　In the mornings when I was nine years old, he would come home from working 18 hours at his bakery and wake me up at 5:00 A.M. by scratching my back with his strong, powerful hands and whispering, “Time to get up, son.” By the time I was dressed and ready to roll, he had my newspapers folded, ¹¹⁾ banded and stuffed in my bicycle basket. Recalling his genero-sity of spirit brings tears to my eyes.
　　When I was racing bicycles, he drove me 50 miles each way to Kenosha, ¹²⁾ Wisconsin, every Tuesday night so I could race and he could watch me. He was there to hold me if I lost and shared the ¹³⁾ euphoria when I won.
　　Later, he accom-panied me to all my local talks in Chicago when I spoke to ¹⁴⁾ Century 21, ¹⁵⁾ Mary Kay and various churches. He always smiled, listened and proudly told whomever he was sitting with, “That’s my boy!”
　　After the fact, my heart was in pain because Dad was there for me and I wasn’t there for him. My humble advice is to always, always seize the moment to share your love with your loved ones, and accompany them when they leave the world. Experiencing the process of death with one you love will take you into a bigger, more expansive dimension of ¹⁶⁾ beingness.

　　还记得我9岁的时候，每天凌晨5点，在面包坊工作了18个小时的父亲回到家总会用他强有力的双手挠我的背，低声细语把我唤醒：“该起床了，宝贝。”我穿好衣服准备骑车出发的时候，他早已把报纸折好、扎紧，塞到我的自行车篮里。每当回忆起他慷慨无私的爱，我的眼角就会泛起泪花。
　　我参加自行车比赛那段日子，每个星期二晚上，他都会驾车50英里（约80500米）送我到威斯康星州的肯诺莎，我出赛时，他在一旁观看。失败的时候，他会搂着我；胜利的时候，他会和我一起分享瞬间的狂喜。
　　后来，每次我在芝加哥进行本地演讲，父亲都会陪我去。我在21世纪不动产、玫琳凯以及许多教堂演讲的时候，他总会脸带微笑，认真聆听，并自豪地告诉坐在他身边的人：“那是我儿子！”
　　回忆往事，我的心总在痛，因为在我的生命中，父亲总会伴我左右，但我却没有经常在他身边。因为我的教训，我谨劝大家要始终把握眼前的一刻，与你爱的人分享你的情感，陪伴他们走完生命的最后一程。与你爱的人共同经历死亡的过程，能使你从一个更大、更广阔的层面体会生存的深刻涵义。