如果不是在万圣节上男扮女装,我可能永远都无法知晓关于女生的那么多秘密……
The first time I dressed up as a woman was Hallowe'en1). Innocent enough, I suppose—costumes and whatnot2). Some people dressed as ogres3), the traditional witch, and, as always, multiple poorly imitated Frankensteins4). I had made up my mind about a week before a party that I was going to, to be either a woman or Abraham Lincoln5), but definitely not both. In the end, because a female friend offered to dress me in women's clothing with appropriate accoutrement6), I swallowed my pride and donned7) a blouse. Thinking back, that friend might have been some sort of sadist8). Anyway, being a woman was actually a lot of fun—excluding9) the high heels.
Let me put it this way: girls just have certain things that guys do not. They have this way of talking to each other, of making intense eye contact10), smiling with their eyes in addition to their mouths, and touching each other in this gentle way when they speak that makes me envious. I was fortunate to have the help of three enthusiastic females to prepare me for the party, and I watched them exhibiting these unique characteristics while making me beautiful.
One of them brought me a blond wig11) and a sheer12) top, which I thought showed off13) my shoulders well in addition to14) complementing15) my masculine16) frame. By far the most challenging aspect of the transformation17) was not actually learning to balance in high heels—which, by the way, were pretty darn18) hot—but learning to do the "hey-check-me-out19)" walk.
我第一次男扮女装是在一次万圣节前夕。我觉得,那些奇装异服什么的太幼稚了。有些人把自己打扮成吃人的魔鬼、传统的女巫,而且,总有许多人会蹩脚地模仿弗兰肯斯坦。在我要参加的那个万圣节派对开始前一个星期,我就已经下定决心,我要不就打扮成一个女人,要不就化妆成亚伯拉罕·林肯,但决不会二者混搭。最后,因为我的一位女性朋友主动要帮我打扮,为我搭配女装和配饰,我只好将我的自尊搁在一边,套上女式衬衣。现在回想起来,我那个朋友可能有点虐待狂的倾向。不过,不管怎样,做个女人实际上还是挺有意思的──除了要穿高跟鞋。
这么说吧:女孩有男孩没有的某些东西。女孩之间说话的方式和男孩不一样,她们之间眼神的交流也更为频繁,她们的笑不仅挂在嘴上还洋溢在眼睛里,她们说话时总是这么轻轻地碰一碰对方,那种温柔的方式让我嫉妒极了。我很幸运,有三个热情的女性朋友帮我梳妆打扮,为参加万圣节派对作准备,而在她们把我扮靓的过程中,我亲眼看到她们身上这些女性特质逐一呈现。
她们中有一个人给我带了一副金色的假发和一件透明的上衣,我觉得这个搭配不仅中和了我男子身材的阳刚之气,而且很能衬出我肩部的线条。到目前为止,我的“变形记”中最具挑战性的环节实际上还不是学习穿上高跟鞋后如何保持平衡──顺便提一下,这么走路还真是性感十足──而是如何走出“嗨,看我多迷人”的味道来。
Before that day, I had no idea of the complexity of the female walk. I mean, of course I had noticed how they walk (how could I not), but I didn't know they actually have a method of moving their bodies so that boys drool20) and write love poems and get lost in sappy21) songs on the radio when they are driving alone. As far I can tell, this "hey-check-me-out" walk can be broken down into the following steps:
1. First and foremost, smile.
2. Keep the chin up, butt back, and chest out, but don't over-exaggerate22) or you will look like an over-eager porpoise23) (my first mistake).
3. Pretend you are walking a line. Place one foot directly in front of the other and make sure every step makes your hips sway a little.
4. Be sure that everything is fluid.
5. And never, under any circumstances, scratch yourself in public (my second mistake).
From what I gathered24), those steps are what imbues25) a girl's walk with that fabled "feminine mystique," the secret ingredient26) that makes bipedal27) femaleshypnotizing28).
In all honesty, though, breaking down29) the walk into its constituent parts will not and cannot endow30) any given male with the amazingly attractive traits31) that make girls, well, girls. All that nonsense is decided at conception32).
I also noticed as we were driving to the party, as a female, I was compelled33) to make a great deal more eye contact with the lovely ladies I was talking to. Normally, when in "man mode," I look at people, but not in the same manner as when wearing high heels—which is to say, when I am acting like a woman. This sort of eye contact is altogether more appealing34), I think. It seems more sincere.
在那天之前,我一点儿也不知道女人婀娜的步伐里还有这么多讲究。我的意思是,我当然注意过她们走路时婀娜的身姿(我怎么可能注意不到呢),但我却并不知道,实际上她们驾驭肢体是有一套方法的,正因为如此,男孩子们才会看得傻呆呆地流口水,为她们写情诗,独自开车时迷醉在收音机多愁善感的傻情歌里。在我看来,这种“嗨,看我多迷人”的步姿可以分解为以下几步:
1. 第一步,也是最重要的一步,要微笑。
2. 时刻高抬下巴,提臀,挺胸,但不要太过夸张,否则你会看起来像只过于急切的小海豚(这是我犯的第一个错误)。
3. 假装自己走在一条直线上。每一次迈步都要把一只脚放到另一只脚的正前方,并且确保每走一步你的臀部都会有小幅度的摆动。
4. 确保每一个动作都流畅自然。
5. 最后,无论发生什么情况,在公共场合绝对不要在自己身上这儿抓抓那儿挠挠(我犯的第二个错误)。
据我推断,正是因为以上这些步骤,女孩的婀娜步态才会充满传说中那种“女性的奥秘”,也正是有了这种神秘的成分,同样用两条腿走路的女人们的步态却是那么地让人着迷!
坦率地说,即使就这么将女性走路的姿势分解成几部分,不会也不可能就让某个男性拥有女孩身上那种令人惊叹的迷人气质,唔,女孩。所有这些虚无缥缈的东西在胎儿时就注定了。
在我们几个开车去参加万圣节派对的路上,我还注意到,作为一个女人,在和那些可爱的淑女们聊天时,我不得不频频和她们目光接触。一般来说,在我处于“男人状态”的情况下,聊天时我也会看着别人,但这种看的方式和我穿着高跟鞋时可不一样──也就是说,和我扮女人的时候不一样。我觉得,后者的这种目光交流绝对更动人,看上去似乎也更真诚。
When we arrived at the party, I had some trouble walking up the steps in my three-inch heels. I am sure I looked pretty strange, because I kept having to regain my balance by sticking my arms out35) like an awkward albatross36), steadying myself and then adjusting my wig so my hair wasn't in my mouth and eyes. Needless to say, I got a few stares when I entered (I'm guessing not due to how amazingly good I looked).
To my delight, I also realized why adolescent boys who are altogether stupid and rambunctious37) get more attention from girls. It is the problem of the "girl amoeba38)." You see, when girls are in groups, they pull together much like Cheerios39) in a nearly empty bowl of milk. Despite the best efforts of menfolk across a thousand generations, this adolescent female amoeba cannot be dispelled40). Tragically, it can be distracted41), but never destroyed.
This is how it works: Humans are by nature social beings, young girls especially. When a group of female friends are together in a crowded room, they will naturally gravitate42) toward each other and begin to dance. It's quite fascinating, really. Most of the time the girl amoeba is absorbed with itself, laughing and moving to the music, faced inward in a circle. The only way boys can get noticed in such situations is when they do something especially stupid, like lighting themselves on fire or dressing like a woman. It really would be advantageous to both sexes if girls would try to mingle a little more and boys would stop acting sophomoric43) to attract attention.
But such actions are what make life interesting and people versatile44). I have found that moving beyond my comfort zone can be disconcerting45) at times, but often leads to greater insight46) into others and (via the mirror-like functions of all human interaction) into myself.
Besides, I make one hot lady.
我们一行人终于到达了派对,可穿着三英寸高跟鞋的我在上楼梯时却遇上了点麻烦。我敢肯定,我看上去一定非常怪异,因为我走两步就得伸出胳膊找到平衡稳住身体,就像一只笨拙的信天翁一样,还得不时拨弄一下我的假发,免得吃到嘴里或者遮住眼睛。不必说,我在进门的时候肯定吸引了一些眼球(我猜肯定不是因为那会儿我看上去有多美丽迷人)。
让我高兴的是,我也终于知道了为什么女孩们总是更注意那些又愚蠢又莽撞的年轻小伙子们。这是一个“女孩阿米巴”的问题(译者注:即女孩们喜欢抱团搞小团体)。你看啊,当女孩们成群结队的时候,她们会紧紧抱团,就像几乎喝空了的牛奶碗里剩下的一团黏糊糊的早餐麦片。尽管世世代代的男人们做出了无数努力,这种年轻女孩阿米巴团体却一直无法被分散。最惨的是,这种小团体可以被转移注意力,但绝对不可能被摧毁。
阿米巴团体的原理是这样的:人类在本质上是群居生物,年青姑娘尤其如此。当一群闺密好友一起来到一个拥挤的房间里时,她们会很自然地移向对方,并开始跳舞。非常神奇,真的。大多数时候,女孩阿米巴团体都非常专注,她们跟着音乐笑啊跳啊,慢慢地朝内围成一个圈。在这种情况下,男孩要想让女孩子注意自己,唯一的办法就是做点儿蠢事儿,比如用火把自己点着,或者打扮得像个女人。如果女孩能设法稍微在她们的圈子里多接收几个异性朋友,而男孩也别再为了吸引注意而做出些半吊子的举动,这实际上对双方都有好处。
不过,也正是因为这些举动,生活才变得这么富有趣味,人也变得更加多才多艺。通过这次经历,我也发现,走出熟悉的领域有时可能会令人不安,但是往往也能让我对别人有更深入的了解,同时(通过所有人际交流都会产生的镜像作用)也会让我对自己有更深入的了解。
更何况,我还成功地当了一回性感美少女呢。
1. Hallowe'en [7hAlEu5i:n] n. (基督教)万圣节前夕(即10月31日之夜)
2. whatnot [5hwRtnRt] n. <口> 类似的东西,诸如此类的东西
3. ogre [5Eu^E(r)] n. (民间传说、神话中的)吃人妖魔
4. Frankenstein [5frANkEnstaIn] n. 弗兰肯斯坦(一个创造怪物而自己被它毁灭的医学研究者,是英国女作家Mary W. Shelley于1818年所著同名小说中的主角);也指(小说《弗兰肯斯坦》中描写的)人形怪物。
5. Abraham Lincoln: 亚伯拉罕·林肯(1809～1865,美国第16任总统、共和党人)
6. accoutrement [E5kU:tEmEnt] n. (个人穿戴方面的)饰物,饰品
7. don [dCn] vt. 披上,穿上,戴上
8. sadist [5seIdIst] n. 【心】施虐狂者
9. exclude [Ik5sklu:d] vt. 把……排斥在外;不包括
10. eye contact: 目光接触
11. wig [wI^] n. 假发
12. sheer [FIE(r)] adj. (织物)极薄的;透明的
13. show off: 使显眼,使夺目
14. in addition to: 除……之外(还)
15. complement [5kCmplIment] vt. 补足,补充;与……相配
16. masculine [5mAskjulIn] adj. 男性的,男子的
17. transformation [7trAnsfE5meIFEn] n. 变化;转变
18. darn [dB:n] adv. = damn [darn的变体]该死地
19. check sb. out: 盯着某人看
20. drool [dru:l] vi. 淌口水,垂涎
21. sappy [5sApI] adj. 愚昧的;愚蠢的;多愁善感得愚蠢的
22. exaggerate [I^5zAdVEreIt] vi. 夸张,夸大其词
23. porpoise [5pC:pEs] n. 【动】鼠海豚(尤指大西洋鼠海豚)
24. gather [5^ATE(r)] vt. 猜想,推测,推断
25. imbue [Im5bju:] vt. 使充满;灌输
26. ingredient [In5^ri:djEnt] n. (混合物的)组成部分;成分
27. bipedal [5baI7pedEl] adj. 二足动物的
28. hypnotize [5hIpnEtaIz] vt. 使恍惚;使着迷
29. break down: 对……分类;(可)分解
30. endow [In5dau] vt. 给予;赋予;认为……具有某种特质(with)
31. trait [treIt] n. 特征,特点;特性
32. conception [kEn5sepFEn] n. 怀孕;胚胎,胎儿
33. compel [kEm5pel] vt. 强迫,使不得不
34. appealing [E5pi:lIN] adj. 有感染力的;动人的;吸引人的
35. stick out: 伸出,突出
36. albatross [5AlbEtrCs] n. 【鸟】信天翁
37. rambunctious [rAm5bQNkFEs] adj. <主美口> 喧闹的;桀骜不驯的;难管束的
38. amoeba [E5mi:bE] n. 【动】变形虫(属原生动物,旧称“伪足虫”,或译“阿米巴”)
39. Cheerio: 美国的一种早餐燕麦品牌
40. dispel [dI5spel] vt. 驱散(云、雾等)
41. distract [dI5strAkt] vt. 分散(注意力);使分心
42. gravitate [5^rAvIteIt] vi. 受吸引,移向(toward, to)
43. sophomoric [7sCfE5mR:rIk] adj. <美> 一知半解而又过于自信的,知识肤浅却自命不凡的;有点过于简单化的
44. versatile [5v\:sEtaIl] adj. 有多种技能的,多才多艺的
45. disconcerting [7dIskEn5s\:tIN] adj. 令人不安的,令人惊惶的
46. insight [5InsaIt] n. 洞悉;深入了解(into)
* In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
* No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
* In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
* In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
* In college, there are no bells.
* In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
* In college, weekends start on Thursday.
* In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
* In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
* In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
* College men are cuter than high school boys.
* In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.