My 23-year-old son Dan stood in the doorway, ready to say goodbye to his home. His 1)rucksack was packed and ready for the journey. In a couple of hours he was going to fly out to France. He was going to be away for at least a year to learn a foreign language and experience life in a foreign country. It was a 2)milestone in Dan’s life, a transition from school days to adulthood.
我23岁的儿子丹站在大门口,准备与家人道别。他的行囊已经打包,将要踏上旅途。再过几个小时,他就要飞往法国。他将离家至少一年,到一个陌生的国度学习外语并体验生活。这是丹的人生转折点,标志着他从学生生涯迈入成人阶段。
When we were to say goodbye, I looked closely at his face. I would have liked to provide him with some good advice that would last longer than just here and now, but not a sound came over my lips. I could hear the sharp cry of the seagulls outside, while they circled over the ever-changing and roaring 3)surf. There was nothing that broke the silence in our house by the sea. Inside I stood motionless and silent, looking into my son’s green eyes with that 4)penetrating look. I knew that this wasn’t the first time I had let such an opportunity pass me by, and that made everything even more difficult.
我们将要道别,我仔细地看着他的脸,想给他一些好建议,让他日后也能受益,却一句话都说不出来。我听见海鸥在外面尖叫,它们盘旋在千变万化、轰鸣咆哮的风浪之上。此刻没有什么能打破我们位于海边的这所房子里的沉默。我默默地站在屋里一动不动,以深邃的目光看着儿子那双绿色的眼睛。我知道这并不是自己第一次眼睁睁地看着这样的机会溜走,而这也让我更难开口。
When Dan was a little boy, I followed him to the bus on his first day in 5)preschool. I felt the excitement in his hand that held mine when the bus came round the corner. I saw the colour spread in his cheeks when the bus stopped. He looked at me – just like he did now. What’s it like, Dad? Can I do it? Will I be all right? And then he boarded the bus and disappeared. The bus drove away. And I hadn’t said a word. Some ten years later, a similar 6)episode took place. His mother and I drove him to the university where he was going to study. On the first night he went out with his new friends, and when we met the next morning, he 7)threw up. He was sick with 8)glandular fever, but we thought he had a 9)hangover. Dan was ill in bed in his room when I wanted to say goodbye. I tried to come up with something to say, something that could inspire courage and self-confidence in him in this new era of his life. Again, the words let me down. I 10)mumbled something like “I hope you feel better, Dan.” Then I turned around and left.
丹还是个小男孩的时候,他上幼儿园的第一天我陪着他等候去学校的巴士。当巴士转过拐角时,我从他与我相握的手中感觉到他的兴奋。巴士停在我们面前,我看到他脸颊上泛起了红晕。他看着我——就像他现在看着我那样。学校是怎样的呢,爸爸?我行吗?我能适应吗?接着他上了车,消失了,巴士也开走了,而我却不言一语。大约十年以后,相似的情节再次出现。他母亲和我开车送他去将要就读的大学。第一晚,他和新朋友们一起出去玩。而第二天早上我们见面时,他吐了一地。他得了腺热,我们却以为他是宿醉。道别的时候,丹呆在宿舍里,卧病在床。我搜肠刮肚想说些什么,对他说些能为他步入人生新阶段增添勇气和自信的话语。可是又一次,我找不到适合的语句。我只嘟囔了几句 “我希望你感觉好些了,丹”之类的话,然后转身离开了。
Now I stood in front of him and recalled all the times when I hadn’t made use of those opportunities. How often has that happened to all of us? A son graduates or a daughter gets married. We do what has to be done at those kinds of ceremonies, but we don’t pull our children aside to tell them what they have meant to us. Or what they might expect of the future. There was one chance I didn’t miss, however. One day I told Dan that the biggest mistake in my life was that I had not taken a year’s 11)sabbatical after I graduated from university. I could have travelled around the world; I believed that was the best way to get a deeper insight to life. When I got married and began working, the dream about living in another culture soon had to be 12)shelved. Dan thought about it. His friends told him it was crazy of him to put off his career. But he quickly realised that it probably wasn’t that bad an idea. And after he graduated from university, he worked as a waiter, a messenger, and an assistant in a bookstore so that he could make enough money to go to Paris. 
现在我站在他面前,回想起过往错失的机会。对于每个人来说,这样的情况有多常见?儿子毕业或者女儿出嫁时,我们做着仪式要求做的事情,却不曾把孩子拉到一边告诉他们,他们对于我们来说有多重要,他们应该如何展望未来。幸运的是,我也曾把握住一次机会。有一天,我告诉丹,我这一生中最大的遗憾就是大学毕业后没有休一年假。我原本可以周游世界,我相信这是深入体验生活的最佳机会。当我结婚并开始工作后,体验另一种文化的梦想很快就被搁置了。丹仔细考虑了这个问题。他的朋友都认为他推迟就业这举动太疯狂了。但是他很快意识到,这个主意或许并不那么坏。他大学毕业后就当服务生、邮递员和书店助理,攒钱去巴黎。
The night before his departure, I lay twisting and turning in bed, puzzling about what to tell him. I couldn’t think of anything. Maybe, I thought, it wasn’t really necessary after all. Seen in the perspective of an entire life, how important is it that a father tells his son what he thinks of him deep inside? But when I stood in front of Dan, I knew that it really did mean something. My father and I were fond of each other, and yet I have never felt sorry that he never expressed his feelings for me in words, that I didn’t have a memory of such a moment. Now I felt my palms becoming 13)moist, and my throat drawing together. Why does it have to be so difficult to tell your son what you feel? My mouth was dry, and I knew that I could only say a few words.
在他离开的前一夜,我在床上辗转反侧,苦苦思索该跟他说些什么,可怎么都想不出来。我想,也许实际上也没必要吧。遥想一生,父亲让儿子明白自己对他的看法究竟有多重要呢?然而当我站在丹的面前,我明白这的确是有意义的。我和我父亲都很爱对方,然而即便他不曾用言语表达他对我的感觉、我没有相关的记忆,我也不以为憾。现在我觉得掌心湿湿的,喉咙缩成了一团。为什么将自己的感觉告诉儿子会这么困难呢?我的嘴巴发干,我知道我说不了几个字。
“Dan,” I finally 14)stammered out, “if I’d had the choice myself, I would have chosen you.” That was all I could say. I was not sure he understood what I meant. But then he stepped towards me and put his arms around me. For a short while the world and everything in it disappeared, there were only Dan and me in our home by the sea. He said something, but my eyes 15)welled up and I didn’t catch it. I only noticed his 16)stubble pressing against my face. Then the moment was over. I went to work and, a couple of hours later, Dan took off with his girlfriend.
“丹,”我终于结结巴巴地开口了,“如果我有机会选择的话,我还是会选你的。”我也就只能说这么多了。我不大确定他是否听懂了我的意思。可接着,他向我走来,用双臂搂着我。有那么一会儿,整个世界及别的一切都消失了,只剩下丹和我在海边的小屋里。他说了些什么,可是我眼中溢满了泪水,什么都听不清。我只感觉到他的胡茬压在我的脸上,然后一切恢复自然。我上班去了,几个小时后,丹和他女朋友一起出发了。
It all happened a while ago. I think about him when I walk along the beach. Many miles away he may be hurrying across 17)Boulevard St. Germain, strolling through the halls of the Louvre, or having a drink at a café on the left bank of the Seine注. What I told Dan was 18)clumsy and commonplace. It was nothing. And yet it was everything.
这件事已经过去一段日子了。我在沙滩上漫步时总会想起他。千里之外,他也许正匆匆穿过圣日耳曼大道,在罗浮宫的大厅中逡巡漫步,或是在塞纳河左岸的咖啡店小酌。我对丹所说的话笨拙而平淡。它并不算什么,却胜过千言万语。
