在信息技术无限发达的今天,人们习惯了手机日夜开机、网上时刻在线、音乐播放器随身携带的日子,数码电子产品和网络将人们的空闲时间一点点填满,人们虽忙碌不堪,却乐此不疲。不知你是否想过,如果哪天离开了手机、网络、音乐播放器,日子将会怎样?因无法和别人联系而抓耳挠腮?因无法在博客上发帖而无事可做?还是会因这偷来的“浮生一日闲”而窃喜不已?现在,就让我们随本文作者一同体验一番断网断电的日子……
I decided to ignore the National Day of Unplugging3)—a 24-hour break from the Internet, TV, iPods, GPS and phones—on March 19, 2010 largely because I thought it was stupid. I hate those acts of righteous self-denial that people do just so they can brag about them: health cleanses, bow hunting, reclaiming your virginity. So when the organizers called me the following week and asked if I would participate as the first in a series of celebrity unpluggers, I immediately thought, “This is a fantastic4) idea.” If it went well, I’d be trading 24 hours offline for hundreds of hours of new self-Google results.
2010年3月19日是全美断网断电日——让人们从互联网、电视、苹果播放器、全球定位系统和电话中解脱24小时。对这样的倡议我决定置之不理,主要原因是我觉得这样做太过愚蠢。我讨厌那种正义凛然的自我克制行为,人们这样做只不过是为了增加点自我吹嘘的谈资罢了:什么保健排毒,什么弓箭狩猎、什么重守童贞等等。所以,在此后的一个星期,当活动的组织者打电话问我是否愿意加入他们,成为响应断网断电活动系列名人中的第一个参与者时,我立刻就想到:这个主意太不靠谱了。如果活动进行得顺利,我得到的将是24小时告别网络的时间,但换来的却是之后几百个小时在线搜索和阅读的时间——在谷歌上搜索和阅读关于我自己的最新消息。
When I told my lovely wife Cassandra I’d be electronically disappearing, she liked the idea so much, and she decided to do it too. “We’ll make love by candlelight,” she said. I was already changing my mind about this idea’s being stupid.
当我告诉我可爱的妻子卡桑德拉我将在电子世界中消失24小时时,她非常喜欢这个主意,并决定参与其中。她说:“我们将在烛光中尽享二人欢愉。”听她这么一说,我旋即改变了原先的想法,不觉得断网断电的主意那么愚蠢了。
Arranging my one day of not using email with the National Day of Unplugging people required 24 emails, two phone calls and one Facebook friendship acceptance. The day before I turned off, I talked to the guy behind the idea, Dan Rollman, who is also the founder of the Universal Record Data Base, the online competitor to Guinness World Records. He came up with unplugging as a way of respecting the Sabbath5), without all the praying and not going to parties. Rollman, apparently, is working on a record for the most new ways to piss off6) the Creator. About 20 minutes into our conversation about the joys of jumping off the grid, I admitted to Rollman that not only had I been checking my email during our talk, but I also looked at Twitter, Facebook and the New York Times. “I did too,” he said. “I saw my phone beep, and I said, ‘I wonder what that’s all about.’” When I asked him what it was about, he said he couldn’t even remember. I had been outdueled in a game of phone ADD7).
为了安排这24小时不用电子邮件的事宜,我在和全国断网断电日的组织者们联系的过程中,一共发了24封电子邮件,打了两次电话,接受了一个Facebook的添加好友请求。在断网断电的前一天,我和活动的倡议者丹·罗尔曼进行了一次交谈。罗尔曼也是世界纪录数据库的创建者,该数据库是吉尼斯世界纪录的在线竞争对手。他把断网断电活动作为遵守安息日规定的一种方式——既不需要祈祷也不需要参加集会。很显然,罗尔曼正致力于创造一个新的纪录——拥有最多激怒上帝的新方法。我们大谈摆脱电网的乐趣,谈话约莫进行了20分钟后,我对罗尔曼坦言,在我们交谈时,我不光一直在查收电子邮件,而且还在浏览Twitter、Facebook和《纽约时报》。“我也是,”他说,“我看到我的电话一直在响,我心说,‘我想知道都发生了什么事。’”我就问他那通电话是关于什么事情的,他说他什么都想不起来了。在这场由电话引起的注意力缺乏症的比赛中,我彻底输给了他。
Right before sundown on Friday, I used my printer more than I had the rest of the time I’ve owned it. I printed directions, calendars, phone numbers and notes for the book I’m writing, in case I needed to work on it. I clearly have lost all understanding of how long 24 hours is, and of the fact that I would never write anything longer than my name with a pen. A few minutes later, our babysitter showed up, and my wife Cassandra and I headed off to dinner. We were 11 minutes into our experiment when, sitting in traffic, Cassandra suggested we call the restaurant to tell them we’d be late. Then she started singing Lady Gaga8) songs a cappella9). Then she came up with a Twitter joke she wanted me to memorize so she could send it out the next day. Still, it was nice to talk, or sit quietly with the option of talking, without the other person typing.
就在周五日落之前,我疯狂地使用打印机,比我拥有这台打印机以来的其他任何一天都要频繁。我打印了路线图、日程表、电话号码,还有我正在撰写的书的写作笔记,以便在我写作时用得上。显然,我已经完全忘记了24小时到底有多长,也忘记了我再也无法用笔写出任何比我名字长的单词来了。几分钟之后,替我们照看孩子的保姆来了,于是,我和妻子卡桑德拉一起出去吃晚饭。不想路遇堵车,就在我们的断网断电实验刚刚进行了11分钟的时候,卡桑德拉提议打开电话,联系饭店,说我们晚到一会儿。接着,她开始清唱Lady Gaga的歌曲。后来,她又想到一个适合贴到Twitter上的笑话,她要我记住这个笑话,以便她第二天发到Twitter上。不管怎样,没有人在旁边噼里啪啦地打字,就这样聊聊天,或者只是静静地坐着,想聊的时候聊几句,感觉真不错。
At dinner, when Cassandra went to the bathroom, I had no clue what to do without a phone to pretend to be busy with. So I stared at people at nearby tables, which, while normal in 2000, is totally creepy10) now. But the real problem was trying to get to a party afterward. We got lost without the GPS, and by the time we got there, Cassandra’s friends had already left. “Joel, this is your fault,” Cassandra said many, many times. At 11:22 p.m., just four hours into our experiment, she turned on her phone and started mad texting. I could tell that we were not going to light even one candle.
吃饭时,卡桑德拉去了趟洗手间,我坐在那里,手里没有电话,无法假装很忙活,我真不知道该做什么好。于是我就瞪大眼睛看着邻桌的客人——这种行为在2000年很正常,现在却令人毛骨悚然。但真正的问题还是饭后去参加聚会。由于没有全球定位系统,我们迷路了,等到达聚会地点时,卡桑德拉的朋友都已经走了。“乔尔,这都怪你。”卡桑德拉说了一遍又一遍。晚上11点22分,在我们的实验刚刚进行到四小时的时候,卡桑德拉打开了手机,开始疯狂地发短信。我敢断定,这种情况下我们是点不了蜡烛了,哪怕一根。
But by the next morning, Cassandra had come around11). The idea of unplugging was good, she’d decided. It just had to be done without driving to parties, which, it turns out, is actually the way the Bible suggests. So I decided to tack on a second 24 hours. And other than a few urges to hit the computer to add a movie to my Netflix12) queue and find out if Switzerland uses the euro, I didn’t miss it. Sure, it’s a little boring to drive without texting, but I got to focus on driving really fast. And the day felt longer, with that slow, easy laziness you get only on vacation or Vicodin13).
但到了第二天早上,卡桑德拉就转过弯来了。她认定,断网断电的想法还是很不错的。只是参与这项活动必须记住一点:不要开车出席聚会,而事实证明,这也正是《圣经》所提倡的方式。于是我决定再来一次24小时的断网断电尝试。有几次我几乎忍不住要打开电脑,为我在奈飞网的租借DVD清单上添加一部电影,以及查看瑞士是否使用欧元,不过除此之外,对于电脑我也并不怎么想念。当然,开车的时候不发短信是有点无聊,但我开始变得全神贯注,将车开得飞快。这一天感觉很长,有一种慵惰、懒散的感觉,这种感觉只有在度假或服用了维柯丁止痛药时才会出现。
When Sunday night arrived, I dreaded turning my computer back on. I knew it meant I’d have to do work or respond to emails from friends and family, i.e., more work. And while the main lesson I took away from my two days is that technology is a gift from God and should never be turned off—one simple text would have kept Cassandra’s friends at the party, which would have led to more drinking—I did learn that I’d rather hang out with my wife than find out every time someone retweets14) me. I don’t want to feel the need to respond to everything as soon as I can. But I do, of course, need everyone else to respond to my emails, texts and calls right away. That’s why I need to become a much, much bigger celebrity. So for now, my priority is spending all my time on Facebook and Twitter.
星期天的夜晚来临时,我竟然害怕再打开我的电脑。我知道打开电脑就意味着我必须要工作了,或者给朋友和家人回复电子邮件——那意味着更多的工作。虽然两天的网下生活带给我的主要教训是“科技是上帝赐予的礼物,永远不应该被‘关掉’”——一条简单的短信就会使卡桑德拉的朋友留在聚会上,也会使我们饮酒饮得更为尽兴——但我也确实明白了:我宁愿陪着妻子闲逛,也不愿守着Twitter,盯着看有谁转发了我的帖子。我不想让自己觉得必须对每件事都立刻作出回应。但是,当然了,我需要每个人都对我的电子邮件、短信和电话立刻作出回应。正因为如此,我需要成为一个名人,成为一个名气比现在大得多得多的名人。所以,现在,我的首要任务就是把我所有的时间全都投入到Facebook和Twitter上。
1. grid [^rId] n. 系统网络(指输电线路、广播电台、电视台等网络)
2. Joel Stein:乔尔·斯坦因(1971~),美国记者,《洛杉矶时报》的专栏作家,《时代周刊》的长期撰稿人。
3. National Day of Unplugging:全美断网断电日,该活动提议从2010年3月19日日落前至3月20日日落前的这24小时中,人们拔掉电源,切断网络,关掉手机、电脑、电视、音乐播放器等所有与外界沟通和联系的媒介,放松身心,放慢脚步,增加和家人、朋友在一起的时间。
4. fantastic [fAn5tAstIk] adj. (想法、计划等)虚妄的,很少有实现可能的
5. Sabbath [5sAbEW] n. 安息日(基督教徒大都以星期日为安息日,犹太教徒及某些基督教徒以星期六为安息日)
6. piss off:使恼火,使变得生气
7. ADD:Attention Deficit Disorder的缩写,注意缺陷障碍,最主要的症状是频繁地、不自觉地走神。
8. Lady Gaga:美国流行音乐的新晋“电子舞后”,1986年出生于纽约,她不仅有一流的声线,更是个非常有个性的创作歌手。
9. a cappella:无音乐伴奏地
10. creepy [5kri:pI] adj. 恐怖的,令人反感的
11. come around:改变立场或观点
12. Netflix:奈飞公司,美国最大的在线DVD租赁商,成立于1997年,总部设在加利福尼亚州的洛斯加托斯。
13. Vicodin:维柯丁,一种止痛药,在美国为处方药,在国内被分在麻醉药品类里。
14. retweet:Twitter用户在看到有意思的链接和消息想转发分享时,必须手动将原消息复制到消息框,并在前面输入“RT”字符后再发布,以表明这一消息为转发,这种行为被称为retweet。