文字难度：★★★
Twisted, nude, and soaking wet on the floor of the 1)shower stall I sat. “Bill,” I 2)hollered, “Bill,” I screamed! Bill is hard of hearing, thus the reason for my 3)bellowing.
“Yes,” he said on hearing my scream. “What do you want? Oh my goodness!” he 4)exclaimed upon arriving in the bathroom and seeing my5)predicament. “Here let me get you up!”
“Bill you can’t lift me.”
“Yes I can!”
I began to laugh.
“Now here, let me get a hold of you.”
我赤裸着,身体扭曲,全身湿透,跌坐在淋浴间的地板上。“比尔,”我喊道,“比尔,”我大声尖叫。比尔的耳朵不怎么灵光,因此我才大声喊叫。
“什么,”他回应我的尖叫声。“你要什么?噢,我的天啊!”他来到浴室,看到我的窘况之后不禁惊叫道。“来,让我扶你起来!”
“比尔,你扶不起我的。”
“我可以!”
我开始笑起来。
“来,这里,让我扶你起来。”
Picture this, a well-past-middle-age woman, well past her prime weight of 120 pounds, weakened from the effects of 6)multiple sclerosis, sitting twisted on the floor of a small shower stall. It was not a pretty sight even by the largest stretch of the imagination! The shower stall had 7)sliding glass doors which limited his access to the whole of my generous 8)physique. With my weakened legs there was no way I could untwist myself and stand upright. I was 9)stuck! He was frantic; I was calm.
“You can’t get to me, and even if you could, you couldn’t lift me, just see if you can help me get on my knees,” I said.
“Okay, okay,” he said nervously.
Picture this if you can, a whale still wet from the ocean,10)dumped out on a newly 11)waxed rowboat. Those uncooperative legs of mine could not be situated so as to get me on my knees, not on that wet floor, no matter how hard the both of us tried. He placed a towel under my legs and it too only slid out from under me. So here I was slip-sliding and 12)slithering around, not exactly looking like a desirable mermaid. You get the picture?
“Come on, let me get a hold of you and get you up from there,” he still was not going to give up, no matter the extreme impossibility of the situation. By this time though, the water 13)logged, 14)nautical, 15)wayfaring sea monster that I was, began to dry out and become somewhat less slippery. My husband, though, was no less frantic in his pursuit to get his disabled wife out of these circumstances.
“Here put that towel down again and let’s see if I can crawl out of here,” I instructed. My position and the whole picture of me kept playing over in my mind and the more it ran the funnier it got. I started giggling—and my husband became nervously irritated. Here I was in all my generous glory slithering out of the shower stall, he trying to be my caregiver, becoming more irritated that I was not accepting his need to help. My laughter was becoming 16)hysterical. His frustration became 17)aggravation and increased with intensity. The more upset he became the more I laughed, until finally, after much effort, I was somehow out, on my feet, and in his arms.
想象一下这画面:一个已过中年,体重远超120磅(她理想的体重)的妇女,被多发性硬化症摧残着,扭曲着身体坐在小淋浴间的地板上。即使穷尽想象,也不可能想象出一幅美丽的画面来。淋浴间用的是玻璃拉门,这使他无法把我整个庞大的身躯直接挪出。仅仅依靠那无力的双腿,我实在无法挺直身子站起来。我被困住了!他很狂躁,而我却很冷静。
“你够不着我的,就算可以,你也不能把我扶起来,这样吧,看看你能不能扶我跪着吧,”我说道。
“好的,好的,”他焦急地回应。
如果可以,再试想下:一条刚从海里捞出来,仍然湿漉漉的鲸鱼,被扔到一艘新上过蜡的小船上。无论我们两个如何努力,我那不听使唤的双腿总是跪不成形——在那湿漉漉的地板上根本跪不了。他把一条毛巾放在我双腿下面,但连毛巾也随着我的腿一并滑走。于是,此时的我连滑带溜,一地挪蠕,看起来一点都不像是一条美丽动人的美人鱼。你能想象出这个画面吗?
“来吧,让我扶你一把,把你拉起来,”无论成功的可能性多么小,他仍然不放弃。到了这个时候,我这个全身湿淋淋从海上到“船上”一游的“海怪”,身上开始慢慢变干,变得没那么滑溜溜了。可是,我丈夫还是跟先前一样狂躁,想方设法急着把他的残疾妻子从这境况中解救出来。
“再把毛巾放到这里来,我看看能不能爬出去吧,”我指导他。我的处境及其所构成的画面不断在我脑海中掠过,我越是想,画面就越是有趣。我开始咯咯地笑起来——而我丈夫被我惹得又急又气。此时,我沉醉于逃离淋浴间的胜利喜悦之中,而他一心想帮忙照料我,却因为我没要他帮忙而被惹得更加生气。我的笑声变得有些竭斯底里,他的挫折感加剧,并越来越强烈。他越是不开心,我越是笑得厉害,直到最后,历经无数努力之后,我终于出了淋浴间,站了起来,投入他的怀抱。
We all deal with our disabilities in different ways. He became annoyed at himself for his inability to help me and interpreted my laughter as 18)making light of the situation. I on the other hand was 19)flustered with my loss of capabilities; only my pride had been injured. I could cry or laugh at myself. With his arms around me I explained, “Honey if I don’t laugh and see the 20)comedy in this, I will cry, so I choose to laugh. Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you,” he soothingly reassured me, “I just worry about you; you could have hurt yourself really bad.”
“I know, I know, but I’m all right. You must admit I was a funny sight.”
It takes a special man to deal with the disabilities of the woman with whom he lives and loves, to see the disease take her from a vibrant, young, attractive female to an aging woman, fighting for whatever dignity she can pull from the 21)vicelike grip of such a devastating disease. It takes a strong man in character though not necessarily in strength. It takes a love that lies deeper than what is seen with the eyes. It takes gentleness and kindheartedness, patience and a man sure of his own 22)masculinity. It takes effort and labor with his hands, his head, and his heart. It takes an extraordinary man, a superior breed not often found; their care giving comes from the heart and soul. They stay 23)for the duration no matter the outcome.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I love you, too,” he assured me.
In his arms I feel his strength when I am weak. There are moments I cry in pain or frustration and he holds me and I am renewed by his devotion. There are days I laugh and am like a young girl again and I see that far away look in his eyes. Sometimes I struggle like in the shower and he gets irritated, concerned for my safety and I look in his heart and I see tears fall. Sometimes I laugh to keep from crying. Sometimes we laugh together to keep from crying and, when we do, we are both strengthened for yet another day.
我们都采用不同的方式去面对我们的“无能为力”。他因为无法帮到我而感到生气,并且把我的笑声理解成对这种情况的轻视。而另一方面,我因为自己丧失行动能力而感到慌乱。我的自尊的确受到了伤害。我可以大哭或者自我嘲笑。在他的臂弯中,我解释道:“亲爱的,如果我不笑,不找出点乐子来,我就会大哭,所以我选择大笑。不要生我的气。”
“我没有生你的气,”他宽慰我说,“我只是担心你。你刚刚很可能会严重受伤。”
“我知道,我知道,但我没事。你得承认我看起来很可笑。”
面对一起生活的爱人身上的残疾;看着病魔将她从一个活力十足、年轻、有吸引力的女性摧残成一个年老色衰的妇女;看着她苦苦地抗争着,想从毁灭性的顽疾中“夺”回一点点尊严,这些只有特别的男人才能做到。这个男人必须性格顽强,而不一定要身体强壮。这需要比肉眼所见更为深层的爱。这需要温柔、善良和耐心,也需要一个清楚知晓自己的男子气概的男人。这需要他用自己的双手、头脑和内心去付出和努力。这只有非凡的男人才做得到,这种优秀的男人并不常见;他们给予的关心来自其内心及灵魂。他们总是坚持不懈,不计得失。
“我爱你,”我告诉他。
“我也爱你,”他很肯定地对我说道。
当我软弱时,在他的臂弯中,我能感受到他的力量。有时,我因痛苦和挫折而大哭,他拥抱着我,他的倾注之情令我重新振作;有时,我会大笑,像又变回少女,我会看到他那久违的眼神;有时,我会像在淋浴间滑倒时那般挣扎,而他会因为担心我的安全而生气。我看到了他的内心,看到眼泪在滑落。有时候我为了不让自己哭而选择大笑。有时候我们会一起大笑来避免哭泣。当我们大笑时,两人力量大增,又能顽强地度过一天。
