Cinderella’s story is the classic formula for happiness. A beautiful young woman grows up amid neglect and abuse only to one day experience love and honor in the arms of a prince. This fairy tale and other such stories 1)transcend culture and language. All over the world there are variations of Cinderella and other popular fairy tales.
灰姑娘的童话故事是幸福的典范。一位年轻貌美的女子在成长过程中被人忽视,受尽虐待,直到某天在一位王子的怀中感受到了爱和尊重。这个童话及其他类似的故事超越了文化和语言的界限。世界各个角落都在上演着类似的“灰姑娘”故事及其他流行童话故事。
I cannot deny the number of times I’ve dreamt about the fairy-tale visions of life and the happily ever after—the glass slippers, the handsome guy, and the way we’d ride off on his 2)well-groomed3)steed—when lying in bed. Yet, at the same time, I can’t help but wonder about how we are educating our children. When we 4)tuck our daughter into bed at night, are we equating her to Cinderella by telling her fairy tales about the handsome, charming prince who will ride in on a big white horse and sweep her away to a distant castle, where he will wed her and worship her until eternity as they become the King and Queen of the faraway land? Sure, those stories reflect parents’ dreams for their babies, but have we given any thought to the unintentional damage those fairy tales may be doing to our daughters by creating potentially unrealistic expectations?
我无法否认,多少次,当我躺在床上,我幻想过那些童话般的生活和“永远幸福地生活在一起”这样的结局——玻璃鞋、英俊的男子、两人骑上一匹经过精心装饰的骏马远奔而去那架势。然而,与此同时,我又不禁思考起我们教育自己孩子的方式。晚上,当我们为我们的女儿盖好被子,安顿她们睡觉之时,我们是否把她视作灰姑娘,给她讲这样的童话:一位英俊迷人的王子将骑着一匹高大的白马将她带到一座遥远的城堡,他会在那里娶她为妻,视她为珍宝,他俩会成为那片遥远国土的国王与王后,直到天荒地老?当然,那些故事反映了父母对自己孩子的想望,但我们是否曾想过那些童话可能造成了不切实际的期望,而这也许会给我们的女儿带来无心的伤害?
I speak from a position of authority regarding what I call “5)The Cinderella Syndrome,” which occurs when well-meaning parents set up an unrealistic expectation for their children, especially daughters—that they can depend on the Prince and be taken care of. My parents tried to do everything right: They worked hard, taught me right from wrong, 6)imparted strong moral values, and showered my brothers and me with love and all of the material possessions their income could provide. So, unfortunately, from my earliest memories, I always knew I was the “Princess.” My “loyal subjects” included not just my parents, but also my grandparents. All that attention does wonders for a young lady’s ego, but it also sets her up for a 7)rude awakening later in life when she ceases to be the Princess and becomes just another 8)belle at the ball, looking for a ride home from whatever pumpkin 9)coach happens past.
作为有关这方面研究的一位权威人士,我将此称为“灰姑娘综合症”。这种病症源于怀着善意的父母为他们的孩子,特别是女儿,建立起一种不切实际的期望——她们能依赖“王子”并且得到妥善的照顾。我的父母试图把每件事都做好:他们勤奋工作,教我分清是非黑白,给我灌输很强的道德观念,给予我和我的兄弟无微不至的爱,在他们的收入所能承担的范围内满足我们所有的物质要求。所以,很不幸,自我记事起,我总清楚自己就是那位“公主”。我的“忠臣”不仅包括我父母,还包括我的祖父母。他们所有的关注对一位年轻女子的自负心理的确有奇效。但后来,当她不再是“公主”,而成为舞会上一个普普通通的“美女”,期望着路过的某辆南瓜车能载她回家时,她才猛然清醒过来。
Ah, the fairy tale, the princess lifestyle, how sweet it all seemed. No 10)mortgage payments, no car bills, no real job, the ability to sleep forever (a favorite of mine). Those ladies had it all—in the end. In reality, though, that “handsome prince” we seem to be promising is in good company with Santa Claus and the 11)Easter Bunny—12)nary a one of them seems to exist. We end up settling for a 13)fixer-upper, which at times feels like a nightmare rather than a dream come true.
啊哈,童话,公主的生活方式,一切似乎都那么美好。不需还房贷,不存在汽车油费账单,谈不上真正的工作,有长睡不醒的能力(我最喜欢这点)。童话里的那些女子到最后总能鱼与熊掌兼得。然而在现实中,我们似乎一直在期待的那位“英俊的王子”和圣诞老人、复活节小兔子是一类人——没有哪一个是真实存在的。我们最后只能住进一栋破房,这有时感觉像一场噩梦,而非什么成真的美梦。
Come to think of it though, I should have been prepared for the 14)dicey stuff; we all should have been prepared. The pretty and good young woman only marries the prince after she has proven her ability to 15)withstand pain, humiliation, and other sorts of character building exercise. I should have realized that to achieve the fairytale ending, the princesses had to overcome extreme obstacles, fire breathing dragons, the poison apples, scrubbing the floors on hands and knees, 16)waiting on others as if you were the house maid; the seven 17)dwarves each had their own “unique” personality. It was all there. Why didn’t I see it? Maybe I blocked it out, who knows.
然而想一想,我早该为这场冒险做好准备的,我们所有人都该为此做好准备的。那位善良貌美的年轻女子是在表现出其有能力忍受痛苦、羞辱和其他“天降大任于斯人也”式的考验后才嫁给王子的。我早该意识到,想获得一个童话般的美满结局,公主们得克服极大的障碍——喷火的恶龙、有毒的苹果,还得趴着擦洗地板,像仆人一样服侍他人。七个小矮人个个都性格迥异。这全都是其中的故事情节。我先前为何没看到呢?也许是我“屏蔽”了它们,谁知道呢。
Perhaps these tales do actually teach us a lesson or two after all. Perhaps we are meant to learn that we are stronger than we realize and that we are meant to pick ourselves up in times of trial and to endure all with great self pride and 18)worth. For when we do overcome the obstacles, both big and small, it makes the victory even more magical.
或许这些童话终究还是教给了我们一两个教训。或许我们理应察觉到,我们比自己意识到的还要坚强,理应在困难险阻面前越挫越勇,凭借强大的自尊心和崇高的美德忍受一切。因为当我们的确克服了大大小小的障碍时,胜利会显得更加不可思议。
Do your little girl a favor and remember “The Cinderella Syndrome” the next time you tuck her into bed. This time, don’t forget to mention the19)trolls and dragons along the forest path that leads to the castle. We cannot wait to be rescued. 20)Empowering your daughter to 21)stand on her own two feet is the best gift you can give to her.
下一次,当你哄女儿睡觉时,帮你女儿一个忙,想想“灰姑娘综合症”。这次,别忘了提及通往城堡的森林小径上有巨人和恶龙。我们不能等待被营救。教会你的女儿自主自立才是你能给予她的最棒的礼物。
And this is love, from Cinderella.
而这才是“灰姑娘”传递出的爱。
