奥德丽·尼芬格(Audrey Niffenegger)1963年出生于美国密歇根州一个普通中产阶级家庭,目前是芝加哥哥伦比亚学院书籍与纸艺中心的教授。2003年,她出版了长篇小说处女作《时间旅行者的妻子》(The Time Traveler’s Wife)。该部构思精巧的小说一出版便登上了《纽约时报》畅销书榜单,并受到了世界各地读者的喜爱。目前,《时间旅行者的妻子》已经被翻拍成了电影,于今年8月在美国上映。
Excerpts from Chapter Three
December 10, 2006
Dearest Clare,
As I write this, I am sitting at my desk in the back bedroom looking out at your studio across the backyard full of blue evening snow. Everything is slick and crusty1) with ice, and it is very still. It’s one of those winter evenings when the coldness of every single thing seems to slow down time, like the narrow center of an hourglass2) which time itself flows through, but slowly, slowly. I have the feeling, very familiar to me when I am out of time but almost never otherwise, of being buoyed3) up by time, floating effortlessly on its surface like a fat lady swimmer. I had a sudden urge, tonight, here in the house by myself (you are at Alicia4)’s recital at St. Lucy’s) to write you a letter. I suddenly wanted to leave something, for after. I think that time is short, now. I feel as though all my reserves, of energy, of pleasure, of duration5), are thin, small. I don’t feel capable of continuing very much longer. I know you know.
If you are reading this, I am probably dead. (I say probably because you never know what circumstances may arise; it seems foolish and self-important to just declare one’s own death as an out-and-out6) fact.) About this death of mine—I hope it was simple and clean and unambiguous7). I hope it didn’t create too much fuss. I’m sorry. (This reads like a suicide note. Strange.) But you know: you know that if I could have stayed, if I could have gone on, that I would have clutched every second: whatever it was, this death, you know that it came and took me, like a child carried away by goblins8).
Clare, I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.
I hate to think of you waiting. I know that you have been waiting for me all your life, always uncertain of how long this patch of waiting would be. Ten minutes, ten days. A month. What an uncertain husband I have been, Clare, like a sailor, Odysseus9) alone and buffeted10) by tall waves, sometimes wily and sometimes just a plaything of the gods. Please, Clare. When I am dead, stop waiting and be free. Of me—put me deep inside you and then go out in the world and live. Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element. I have given you a life of suspended animation. I don’t mean to say that you have done nothing. You have created beauty, and meaning, in your art, and Alba11), who is so amazing, and for me: for me you have been everything.
After my mom died she ate my father up12) completely. She would have hated it. Every minute of his life since then has been marked by her absence, every action has lacked dimension because she is not there to measure against. And when I was young I didn’t understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird.
If I had to live on without you I know I could not do it. But I hope, I have this vision of you walking unencumbered13), with your shining hair in the sun. I have not seen this with my eyes, but only with my imagination, that makes pictures, that always wanted to paint you, shining; but I hope that this vision will be true, anyway.
Clare, there is one last thing, and I have hesitated to tell you, because I’m superstitiously14) afraid that telling might cause it not to happen (I know: silly) and also because I have just been going on about not waiting and this might cause you to wait longer than you have ever waited before. But I will tell you in case you need something, after.
Last summer, I was sitting in Kendrick15)’s waiting room when I suddenly found myself in a dark hallway in a house I don’t know. I was sort of tangled up in a bunch of galoshes16), and it smelled like rain. At the end of the hall I could see a rim of light around a door, and so I went very slowly and very quietly to the door and looked in. The room was white, and intensely lit with morning sun. At the window, with her back to me, sat a woman, wearing a coral-colored cardigan sweater17), with long white hair all down her back. She had a cup of tea beside her, on a table. I must have made some little noise, or she sensed me behind her...she turned and saw me, and I saw her, and it was you, Clare, this was you as an old woman, in the future. It was sweet, Clare, it was sweet beyond telling, to come as though from death to hold you, and to see the years all present in your face. I won’t tell you any more, so you can imagine it, so you can have it unrehearsed when the time comes, as it will, as it does come. We will see each other again, Clare. Until then, live, fully, present in the world, which is so beautiful.
It’s dark, now, and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing.
Henry
1. crusty [5krQstI] adj. 有硬壳的,硬的
2. hourglass [5aJE^lB:s] n. 沙漏
3. buoy [bCI] vt. 使浮起,支撑
4. Alicia:爱丽西亚,克莱尔的妹妹
5. duration [djuE5reIFEn] n. 持续,持久
6. out-and-out [5autEnd5aut] adj. 完全的,彻底的
7. unambiguous [7QnAm5bI^juEs] adj. 不含糊的,明确的
8. goblin [5^CblIn] n. 小妖精
9. Odysseus:奥德修斯,古希腊荷马所作史诗《奥德赛》中的主人公,伊塞卡国王,特洛伊战争领袖之一,曾献木马计,使希腊军获胜。
10. buffet [5bQfIt] vt. 打击,冲击
11. Alba:爱尔芭,克莱尔和亨利的女儿
12. eat up:吞噬;困扰
13. unencumbered [7QnIn5kQmbEd] adj. 没有阻碍的,不受妨碍的
14. superstitiously [7sju:pE5stIFEslI] adv. 迷信地,受迷信思想支配地
15. Kendrick:肯德里克,亨利的医生,他是遗传学专家、哲学家。
16. galosh [^E5lCF] n. [常用复]橡胶套鞋
17. cardigan sweater:开襟羊毛衫
作品赏析
荷马史诗《奥德赛》(Odyssey)塑造了西方文学中最为著名的等待者的形象——古希腊英雄奥德修斯的妻子帕涅罗帕。奥德修斯参加特洛伊之战,又历经海上冒险,被迫离乡20年。在这20年的时间里,妻子帕涅罗帕日日眺望,夜夜等待。在《时间旅行者的妻子》中,女主人公克莱尔同样是一位帕涅罗帕式的女子,她也在苦苦等待丈夫的归来,不过,她的等待是由一次又一次重逢之间的长长短短的分离组成,因为她有一重特殊的身份——她是一名时间旅行者的妻子。
记得少年时看科幻电影,对影片里的时间旅行者艳羡不已,时时幻想着自己有一天能拥有这样的异能,在不同的年代中驰骋:可以去看看未来的世界,与未来的自己相遇;也可以回到无忧的童年,重温儿时纯净的快乐。然而,如果我们询问《时间旅行者的妻子》中的男主人公亨利的话,或许他最希望的就是上天能够收回他的异能,让他做一个平凡的男人,扎根在庸常琐碎的生活中,分分秒秒都陪伴在妻子克莱尔身边。可惜的是亨利患有“慢性时间错位症”,注定无法像平凡人一样走完一生。他的身体随时会摆脱意志的控制,进入某个过去或者是未来的时空。他无法选择自己时空旅行的目的地,更无法决定他能够在那里逗留多久。他只能被动地在时间里漂泊,一次又一次与克莱尔相遇,却一次又一次不得不与她分离。
由于亨利的异能,他和克莱尔初次相遇的时候,克莱尔才刚刚六岁。亨利以36岁的年纪时空旅行回到了22年前。对于克莱尔来说,这是一个陌生而危险的男人。误入新空间的亨利衣不蔽体,形象狼狈。对于亨利,他却早已知道,在未来,他们两个人将会成为夫妻。这个穿着背心裙、用警惕的眼神打量着他的小女孩,将成为他生命中最为重要的一员。为此,亨利小心呵护着克莱尔的成长,并不敢直接袒露他的身份,只是在来来回回的时空旅行中,珍惜每次回到少女时代的克莱尔身边的机会,慢慢地让她接受他,在她心头植下他的影子。
在时间主轴上,克莱尔在20岁时与28岁的亨利正式相遇,三年后,他们缔结婚约。是亨利跳脱主线的时间旅行成就了这段奇缘,让茫茫人海中两个素昧平生的人以如此不平凡的方式邂逅。亨利是幸福的,他可以回到过去,为自己定下未来终生相携的伴侣。亨利同时也是不幸的,无论他多么渴望与克莱尔长相厮守,却只能眼睁睁看着自己在克莱尔生活的时空中一次又一次被带走,伴随着身体的剧痛而隐形、消失,醒来倒在陌生的街头。相爱后,亨利的每一次时间旅行对克莱尔来说都是一次锥心的折磨。克莱尔不知道亨利会何时归来,又会何时离去。她的人生是周而复始的等待,等待他每一次旅行后的归航。
幸好,亨利每次都会归航,无论是在旅行途中碰到了暴力团伙,还是被人误认为是小偷。回家时他可能会头破血流,满身伤痕。有一次,他甚至昏厥在雪地里,为此冻伤了双脚,不得不截肢。然而每一次,他都信守承诺,像归帆一般停靠到“家”这个由克莱尔守护的码头。不过,也正因为亨利拥有时间旅行的异能,他预先得知了等待着他们的悲剧——他将在43岁的一次时空旅行中被人误伤,因此丧生,无法与克莱尔相携走完人生旅程,也无法陪伴女儿,呵护她长大成人。
在感应到自己即将离开这个世界的时候,亨利为克莱尔留下了一封信,即上文节选部分。在信中,亨利告诉克莱尔,他是如此地深爱着她:“克莱尔,我想再次告诉你,我爱你。这些年来,我们之间的爱,一直是汪洋的苦海中指航的明灯,是高空钢索步行者身下的安全网,是我怪诞生活中唯一的真实,唯一的信任。”(Clare, I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust.)他也告诉了克莱尔时空旅行将留给他们意外的馈赠——他此前曾经穿越时间的壁垒,进入2053年,43岁的他见到了已经82岁的满头霜华的克莱尔。他在信中为克莱尔留下了希望,告诉她,在人生的尽头,他们还有可能重逢。
《圣经》的《哥多林前书》第13章有云:“爱是恒久忍耐,又有恩慈……凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐;爱是永不止息。”在亨利和克莱尔的爱情中,时空转移所制造的分离并不能割断他们由爱组成的心灵纽带。诚如亨利所言:“我爱你,永永远远。时间没有什么了不起。”(I love you, always. Time is nothing.)不必在意人世变迁,不必在意时间流转,甚至不必在意死亡。尽管亨利离开了这个世界,克莱尔依然在等待,在坚定地守护着爱情,她知道在时间中流浪的他,会穿越过去,在未来的某个时间,呼应她的思念,归航来与她相逢。