斯蒂芬妮·梅尔(Stephenie Meyer),1973年生于美国哈特福德(Hartford, 康涅狄格州首府),1997年毕业于美国杨百翰大学(Brigham Young University),获英语文学学士学位。在2003年梅尔开始写第一部小说之前,她是三个孩子的母亲,没有任何写作经历。但2005年这本名为《暮色》(Twilight)的小说一经出版,就马上受到了全美甚至全世界人们的喜爱,梅尔也因此成为全球最具影响力的作家之一。《暮光之城》系列小说[《暮色》、《新月》(New Moon)、《月食》(Eclipse)、《破晓》(Breaking Dawn)、《午夜阳光》(Midnight Sun)]在全球的销量已超过一亿册,位居《纽约时代》(The New York Times)畅销书排行榜124周之久,被评为21世纪最受欢迎的小说之一。
"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly ..."
"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned1) straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin ... I thought it would make me deranged2) that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure3) you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow ..."
He looked up then at my staggered4) expression as I tried to absorb his bitter memories. His golden eyes scorched5) from under his lashes6), hypnotic7) and deadly.
"You would have come," he promised.
I tried to speak calmly. "Without a doubt."
He frowned down at my hands, releasing me from the force of his stare. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there—in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening8). I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail9) human there—so easily dealt with."
I shivered10) in the warm sun, seeing my memories anew11) through his eyes, only now grasping the danger. Poor Ms. Cope; I shivered again at how close I'd come to being inadvertently12) responsible for her death.
"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home—I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong—and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."
“我不明白为什么。你怎么那么快就对我恨之入骨……”
“对我来说,你就像某个魔鬼,从我自己的地狱里被召唤出来,来毁灭我。你的肌肤散发出的芬芳……我以为第一天它就会让我变得疯狂。在那一小时里,我想到了百余种伎俩,把你从教室里引诱出来,和我在一起,让你形单影只。我强忍住这些冲动,想到了我的家庭,这样做会给他们带来什么后果。我不得不跑出去,在张口说出让你随我而去的话之前离开……”
他抬头看着我错愕的表情,而我在努力消化他苦楚的回忆。他金色的眼睛在睫毛下发出灼人的光亮,既催眠又致命。
“你会随我出来的。”他肯定地说。
我尽量冷静地说道:“毫无疑问。”
他低头皱眉,看着我的双手,把我从他凝视的魔力中释放出来。“后来,当我竭力重新调整自己的安排,妄图避开你的时候,你却在那儿——在那个密闭、温馨的小房间里,那香气令人疯狂。那时我真的几乎差一点就害了你。那里只有另外一个脆弱的凡人——轻而易举就对付得了。”
我在温暖的阳光下不寒而栗,从他的眼里,我再一次忆及当时的情景,只是现在才意识到了那时的危险。可怜的科普女士。想到我几乎差一点在无意中成了害死她的原因,我再次颤抖起来。
“但是我克制住了。我不知是如何办到的。我强迫自己不去等你,不尾随你从学校出来。在外面,当我不能再闻到你的味道时,我更容易清晰地思考,作出正确的决定。快到家的时候,我离开了其他人——我羞于启齿,无法告诉他们自己多么脆弱,他们只知道有什么事情非常不对劲儿了——然后径直到医院找到卡莱尔(编者注:爱德华的养父),告诉他我打算离开。”
I stared in surprise.
"I traded cars with him—he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary ...
"By the next morning I was in Alaska." He sounded ashamed, as if admitting a great cowardice13). "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances14) ... but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude15), not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl"—he grinned suddenly—"to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back ..." He stared off into space.
I couldn't speak.
"I took precautions16), hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant17) about it.
"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous18) measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind ... her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to19) that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." He frowned at the memory.
"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher20) some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in21) your expressions ... and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again ...
"Of course, then you were nearly crushed22) to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment—because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled23) there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"
He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized24) confession. I listened, more eager than rational. Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. And I was filled with compassion25) for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving26) to take my life.
我吃惊地盯着他。
“我和他交换了汽车——他的车油箱满满的,我不想停下来。我不敢回家面对埃丝米(编者注:爱德华的养母)。她一定不会让我这么不打个照面就离开的。她会尽力说服我这么做没有必要……
“第二天早上,我到了阿拉斯加。”他听起来很羞愧,似乎是在承认一项极其懦弱的行为。“我在那里待了两天,和一些旧相识一起……但是我很想家。想到自己令埃丝米不安,让他们其余的人——收养我的家庭感到难过,我就对自己痛恨不已。在山间清新的空气中,很难相信你是那么令人无法抗拒。我告诉自己,逃离是软弱的行为。以前我也曾抵挡过诱惑,虽然不是这么大的诱惑,虽然根本无法与这次相比,但是我是坚强的。你算什么,一个微不足道的小丫头!”——他突然咧嘴笑起来——“竟能把我从自己留恋的地方赶走?所以我回来了……”他凝视天空。
我说不出话。
“我采取了防范措施,在再次见到你之前,比以往更多地打猎、进食。我相信自己可以足够坚强,定能像对待其他人类一样对待你。我对此还是太过自信了。
“我不能完全读懂你的心思,无法了解你对我的反应,这无疑使问题更加棘手。我通过读取杰茜卡的思想偷听你的话语……但我不习惯如此被动地采取这样的迂回手段。她的脑子里并非原话,而我却只能将就着听,真是令人不快。而且,我无法确定你说的话能否当真,这更加让人大为光火。”回忆起这些事情,他紧锁着眉头。
“我想让你忘掉我第一天的所作所为,如果可能的话。所以我设法和你交谈,就像和其他人一样。事实上,我迫不及待地想解读你的一些想法。但是你太有趣了,我情不自禁地为你的表情而迷醉……你不时用手或头发撩动着空气,那香味总会再次令我眩晕……
“当然,之后你差点就在我眼前被车撞死。后来我为自己因何在那一刻挺身而出想出了一个完美的理由——因为如果我不救你,如果你的鲜血洒在我的面前,我觉得我定然无法控制自己,从而暴露我们的身份。但我只在后来才想到这个理由。在那时,我能想到的只是,‘她不能死。’”
他闭上双眼,陷入了痛苦的告白中。我聆听着,内心的急切压过了理智。常识告诉自己应该害怕才是,我却反而为最终能明白这一切而感到释然。我对他所受的煎熬充满了怜悯之情,即便是现在——当他坦承自己渴望夺取我生命的时刻。
I finally was able to speak, though my voice was faint. "In the hospital?"
His eyes flashed up to mine. "I was appalled27). I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power—you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched28) as that word slipped out29). "But it had the opposite effect," he continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time ... the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with30) me, and Alice." He grimaced31) when he said her name. I couldn't imagine why. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." He shook his head indulgently32).
"All that next day I eavesdropped33) on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair ... it hit me as hard as the very first day."
He met my eyes again, and they were surprisingly tender.
"And for all that34)," he continued, "I'd have fared35) better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you."
I was human enough to have to ask. "Why?"
"Isabella." He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled36) my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold ... to never see you blush scarlet37) again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses38) ... it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious, agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."
我终于可以开口说话了,虽然声音微弱:“在医院里?”
他的目光闪向我。“我吓坏了。我不敢相信我终究还是把我们置于了危险的境地,任凭自己受你的摆布——所有人中,唯独选中了你。似乎我又多了一个杀你的理由。”随着那个字从他嘴中溜出,我们都缩了一下。“不过结果恰恰相反,”他很快接着说,“我和罗莎莉、 埃米特还有贾斯珀(编者注:爱德华的兄弟姐妹)大吵了一架,他们暗示我是时候……这是我们最严重的一次争吵。卡莱尔站在我这一边,还有艾丽斯(编者注:爱德华的妹妹)。”说到她的名字,他扮了个鬼脸。我想不到为什么。“埃丝米告诉我,为了留下,我可以做任何必须要做的事情。”他宽容地摇了摇头。
“第二天一整天,我偷听了所有和你说过话的人的思想,吃惊地发现你坚守了你的承诺。我全然不能理解你。但是我知道自己不能再和你有任何瓜葛了。我竭尽全力,尽可能地远离你。每一天,你的肌肤的芳香,你的呼吸,你的秀发……都像第一天见到你那样让我神魂颠倒。”
他再次望入我的眼睛,眼神里充满了让我惊诧的温柔。
“虽然如此,”他接着说,“如果在第一刻我就暴露了我们的身份,我可能会比此时此刻更好过呢——没有人证,没有什么可以阻止我——我如果要伤害你的话。”
我人类的身份让我不得不问道:“为什么?“
“伊莎贝拉。”他小心地说出我的全名,然后用一只空闲的手调皮地拨弄着我的头发。在他不经意的轻触下,一股电流传遍我的身体。“贝拉,如果我伤害了你,我自己便活不下去了。你不知道我为此经受了多少折磨。”他低下头来,再次感到羞愧。“想到你,静止不动,惨白冰冷……不能再次看到你的双颊泛起红晕,不能看到当你识破我的伪装时双眸闪过的直觉……那会让我无法忍受的。”他抬起头来,一双美丽却饱含痛楚的眼睛看着我的双眼。“现在,你在我生命中最重要。永远最重要。”
1. summon [5sQmEn] vt. 召唤
2. deranged [dI5reIndVd] adj. 精神错乱的,疯狂的
3. lure [ljuE(r)] vt. 吸引,引诱
4. stagger [5stA^E(r)] vt. 使吃惊
5. scorch [skC:tF] vt. 烧焦,烤焦
6. lash [lAF] n. 眼睫毛
7. hypnotic [hIp5nCtIk] adj. 催眠的,催眠术的
8. maddening [5mAdEnIN] adj. 使人疯狂的,叫人受不了的
9. frail [freIl] adj. 脆弱的,易损坏的
10. shiver [5FIvE(r)] vi. 颤抖,哆嗦
11. anew [E5nju:] adv. 再,再一次;重新
12. inadvertently [7InEd5v\:tEntlI] adv. 非故意地,因疏忽造成地
13. cowardice [5kaJEdIs] n. 胆小,怯懦
14. acquaintance [E5kweIntEns] n. 相识的人
15. magnitude [5mA^nItju:d] n. 大小;量值
16. precaution [prI5kC:FEn] n. 预防措施,防备办法
17. arrogant [5ArE^Ent] adj. 傲慢的,自大的
18. circuitous [sE5kju:ItEs] adj. 迂回的,绕行的,曲折的
19. stoop to: 屈尊,屈从
20. decipher [dI5saIfE(r)] vt. 解释(古代文字,难以理解的事物等)
21. catch up in: 把……卷入;把……迷住
22. crush [krQF] vt. 压碎;压坏
23. spill [spIl] vt. 使(血)流出
24. agonized [5A^EnaIzd] adj. 感到(或表示)极度痛苦的
25. compassion [kEm5pAFEn] n. 同情;怜悯
26. craving [5kreIvIN] n. 渴望;迫切的需要
27. appall [E5pC:l] vt. 使惊骇,使丧胆
28. flinch [flIntF] vi. 缩;退缩;畏缩
29. slip out: 被无意中讲出;被泄漏
30. side with: 站在……一边;支持,帮助
31. grimace [^rI5meIs] vi. 做怪相,做鬼脸
32. indulgently [In5dQldVEntlI] adv. 纵容地;放纵地;溺爱地
33. eavesdrop [5i:vzdrRp] vi. 偷听,窃听(on)
34. for all that: 虽然如此
35. fare [feE(r)] vi. 过活,生活
36. ruffle [5rQfl] vt. 弄乱(头发等)
37. blush scarlet: 脸红;blush [blQF] vi. (因害羞、激动、窘困等)脸红;scarlet [5skB:lEt] adj. (脸)羞红的,红晕的
38. pretense [prI5tens] n. <美> = pretence 伪称;借口
赏析
他们,在迷茫。
这是一段最为普通不过的青春期的萌动,本应短暂、朦胧而又美好,在若干年后成为一段过往,于回忆中珍存,或得凭借那摆放已久的相册最底层的一抹泛黄,方能想起那段纯真的年华,由心底漾起笑容。但是,他们却用心底最深处潜意识般的执着,打破了这一在人类中普遍存在的定律,将那一眼延长到了永生。这即是《暮光之城》——一段人类与吸血鬼之间的艰难爱情历程。
17岁那一年,贝拉来到了阴雨连绵的福克斯。初见他的那一瞬,她怦然心动,惊为天人,而他迷人脸庞上的隐忍、渴望和厌恶让她惊惶无措却又深深好奇。从不知因何而沦陷,是为着他摄人心魄的金色眼眸,还是因为他对她的“特殊待遇”——看似厌恶却又舍身相救?只是,当她得知他吸血鬼的真实身份,得知他曾那样地渴望她的鲜血,得知他为抗拒她的诱惑一直在经受痛苦与挣扎时,爱已无法自拔。所以,她从未害怕以人类的羸弱之躯闯入吸血鬼的世界,即便她知道自己是一只猎人无限渴望的美味羔羊(《暮色》);所以,当他为保她安全决然离去时,她不惜疯狂自虐甚至悬崖跳水以换得他的回归;所以,当得知他一心求死时,她不顾一切地闯入强大而危险的古老血族沃尔图里之家,只为与他同生共死(《新月》)。或许,这已是爱的极致。然而,爱情何以才能永恒?生命的流沙对于他,是凝固的,而对于她,却是毫不怜惜地飞速流逝。贝拉不止一次地对他说:“将我转变吧!”——她情愿选择变成异类,只为与他永世作伴,执子之手,与子永生。
贝拉与爱德华生死纠缠之时,不知不觉欠了另一个人太多。那便是狼人雅各布。爱德华狠心离去的那段日子里,若没有雅各布的倾心相伴,日日挣扎于噩梦和绝望之中的贝拉定然无法度过(《新月》)。吸血鬼与狼人本是天敌,却因为贝拉变得关系微妙、亦敌亦友。一边冰冷执着,一边热情似火——徘徊于冰与火之间的贝拉深爱着爱德华,却无法割舍雅各布(《月食》)。她要选择的仅仅是爱情吗?不,历尽重重危险已然长大的贝拉知道,她要选择的其实是——人生。爱情固然重要,但她必须弄清楚,自己想要的究竟是怎样的人生?是冒着成为嗜血怪物的危险,从此游走于道德的边缘,与爱德华相依相伴,却与父母永不相见呢?还是作为一个普通人与热血的狼人过着人类的生活?“It's what I want.” “I've chosen my life. I want to start living it.” ——当贝拉这样告诉爱德华时,她已经不再是那个仅仅为爱执着的小女孩,而是一个能够选择并坚持自己人生之路的成年人了。如此选择,不是为你,而因那是我心之所愿,即便漫漫长路上苦难无数,我亦无悔。对此,于内心深处,我如此深知。
而爱德华迟迟不肯将她转变,也正是因为,他绝不愿自己心爱之人仅仅为了爱情而承受如此种种的苦难——即使那是她想要的人生;因为只有身为吸血鬼才知道,那样漫长的人生是怎样的煎熬,挣扎在嗜血欲望与操守道德之间的苦痛是怎样地难以承受,而能够作为一个普通人生活又是怎样地幸福。正如节选中所表现的那样,为了抗拒贝拉芬芳血液的诱惑,爱德华纵有超凡的意志力,却也不免饱受煎熬。多少次,他差点将她诱杀,一偿所愿;多少次,他苦苦克制,甚至不得不逃离。只是,当他选择勇敢面对的时候,却不知不觉为她的魅力所摄,深深地爱上了自己的“猎物”。
爱德华和贝拉,两个本应毫无交集的不同个体,却因着那气息,因着心中的执着,亲自导演了绵延一生的不朽爱情,展示了吸血鬼式的“执子之手,与子永生”。
青春的选择如梦似幻,却又美好坚定,值得用一生去追求、去珍藏、去回忆。《暮光之城》系列小说萦绕于无数位亦或正值懵懂,亦或青春无限,亦或怅然回首的人心中。它见证了青春的美好、爱情的不朽以及执着的力量。作者梅尔成功地将三个不同物种——吸血鬼、人类、狼人——扑朔迷离的心路历程书于纸上:微笑悄悄藏着痛苦,幸福慢慢掩去神伤。当你铺开这一系列画卷,三位主人公跃于眼前,或许在跌宕的情节中,你可以透过他们,看到属于自己心底的一抹执着与爱恋;透过他们,你也可以选择忠于自己的心,在黑暗中寻求一线暮光,寻求心中真正所爱。 赏析/伏欣