小时候总盼着快点长大,可以自己决定穿什么吃什么,心里总高呼“自由万岁”。但长大后发现,自由是有了,却没有想象中的欢呼雀跃,因为很快地我们就会发现正如歌词里所唱的,“长大后世界就没童话”。几乎每个人心中都有个彼得·潘,但毕竟小飞侠只存在于童话世界里。我们可以拒绝任何东西,唯独成长是我们无法拒绝的。既然如此,我们何不欣然接受,积极应对,在通往成熟的道路上另辟蹊径,活出自我精彩?
其实“成长”这个话题也一直困扰着小编,所以当我看到《少有人走的路》时,就迫不及待地想跟大家分享。阅读中你会发现,“我们长期以来的想法和感受,有一天将会被某个陌生人一语道破”。本文由作者亲自朗读,语速正常,语音清晰,生词不多,读者可以先通听一遍,掌握大意,然后进行跟读模仿。
发音：美式发音 语速：170词/分钟 使用方法：精听+跟读
Life is a series of problems. 1)Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With total discipline we can solve all problems.
What makes life difficult is that solving problems is painful. Problems 2)evoke in us 3)frustration or grief or sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or 4)anguish or despair. These are uncomfortable feelings, sometimes equaling the very worst kind of physical pain, and since life poses an endless series of problems, life is full of pain as well as joy. Yet it is in meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning.
Let us teach ourselves and our children the need to face problems directly and to experience the pain involved. I have stated that discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. When we teach ourselves and our children discipline, we are teaching them and ourselves how to suffer and also how to grow. What are these tools I call discipline? There are four: delaying of 5)gratification, acceptance of responsibility, 6)dedication to truth and balancing.
First I want to talk about delaying gratification.
Not too long ago a 30-year old financial analyst was complaining to me about her tendency to 7)procrastinate in her job. Finally one day we dared to look at the obvious.
“Do you like cake?” I asked her.
She replied that she did.
“Which part of the cake do you like better,” I went on, “the cake or the 8)frosting?”
“Oh, the frosting,” she responded enthusiastically.
“And how do you eat a piece of cake?” I inquired.
“I eat the frosting first, of course,” she replied.
From her cake-eating habits we went on to examine her work habits and discovered that on any given work day she would devote the first hour to the more gratifying half of her work and the remaining six hours getting around to the 9)objectionable remainder. I suggested that, if she were to force herself to accomplish the unpleasant part during the first hour, she would then be free to enjoy the other six. “It seemed to me” I said, “that one hour of pain followed by six of pleasure was preferable to one hour of pleasure followed by six of pain.” She agreed, and being basically a person of strong will, she no longer procrastinates.
Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life, to enhance the pleasure by experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only 10)decent way to live.
The financial analyst was a basically loving and dedicated mother to her two young children. She was alert and concerned enough to perceive when her children were having some sort of emotional problem. But then she either made the very first change that came to her mind, making them eat more breakfast or sending them to bed earlier, regardless of whether such a change had anything to do with the problem. Or she came to her next 11)therapy session with me, the repairman, despairing, “It’s beyond me. What shall I do?” This woman had a perfectly keen analytical mind and was quite capable of solving complex problems at work. Yet, when confronted with a personal problem, she behaved as if she were totally lacking in intelligence. Once she became aware of a personal problem, she felt 12)discomfited and was not willing to tolerate her discomfort long enough to analyze the problem. The solution to the problem represented gratification to her, but she was unable to delay this gratification for more than a minute or two with the result that her solutions were usually inappropriate and her family in 13)chronic 14)turmoil.
We are not talking here about 15)esoteric defects in problem-solving associated only with 16)psychiatric disturbances. The financial analyst is “everyman”. Who among us are so self-disciplined that they unfailingly devote sufficient time to analyzing problems within the family? Who among us never says 17)resignedly, “It’s beyond me?”
人生是一连串的难题组成的。解决人生难题的基本方法乃是自律,缺少了自律,我们什么问题也解决不了。如果能做到完全自律,那么我们就能解决所有的难题。
是什么让我们的生活困难重重?是因为解决难题的过程是痛苦的。各种难题使我们不断经受沮丧、悲哀、难过、寂寞、内疚、懊丧、恼怒、恐惧、焦虑、痛苦和绝望的打击。这让人十分难受,无所适从,有时甚至同世间最痛的躯体之痛一样剧烈。正是因为生活中充满无休止的难题,我们才觉得人生苦难重重,悲喜参半。然而,正是面对问题并解决问题赋予了我们人生的意义。
让我们教会自己以及我们的孩子们直面问题和经受痛苦的必要性。我上面已经提到,自律是解决人生问题的基本方法。当我们教导自己和孩子自律,也是在学着如何忍受痛苦,获得成长。我所说的自律究竟包括哪些方面呢?主要包括以下四个方面:延后享乐、承担责任、尊重事实、保持平衡。
首先我要谈谈延后享乐。
不久前,一位30岁的财务分析师来向我求助,抱怨自己最近总是拖延工作。终于有一天,我们总算得以从最显而易见的地方入手。
“你喜欢蛋糕吗?”我问.
她回答说喜欢。
“你更喜欢吃蛋糕的哪部分,”我接着问,“是蛋糕还是上面那层糖霜?”
她兴奋地说:“噢,当然是糖霜啦!”
“那么,你通常是怎么吃蛋糕的呢?”我接着又问。
“那还用说吗,我通常先吃糖霜,” 她不假思索地说。
就这样,我们从吃糕点的习惯出发,重新审视了她的工作习惯。发现她通常在上班第一个钟头把容易的和喜欢做的工作先完成,而在剩下六个钟头里,她就应付那些棘手的差事。我建议她如果能在上班第一个钟头里迫使自己去解决那些麻烦的差事,她将可以享受接下来六个小时相对轻松的时光。我这样跟她说:“在我看来,一个钟头的痛苦,加上六个钟头的幸福,显然要比一个钟头的幸福,加上六个钟头的痛苦划算。”她完全同意我的说法,再加上她本身就是一个意志坚定的人,不久就彻底克服了拖延工作的坏毛病。
延后享乐是一个重新设置人生快乐与痛苦次序的过程:通过先面对问题并解决它来增加幸福感。这是让我们活得体面的唯一方式。
前面提到的财务分析师,其实是两个孩子的妈,她对他们关爱有加、尽职。她可以很快觉察到孩子们情绪的变化。但通常她要不只会根据第一反应,让他们早餐多吃点,或提前就寝,不考虑这种做法跟孩子们出现的问题是否相关;要不她就会在下次心理辅导课程时向我这个心理辅导员求助,很是无助:“我拿他们一点儿办法也没有,我该怎么办呢?这位女士有着敏锐的分析力,处理工作上的复杂问题的能力十分强,但在解决私人问题上,她似乎立刻就成了智力低下的人。一旦她意识到私人问题的存在,她会感到难受,以致于她不愿意花时间忍受这种令人不快的感觉去分析问题。虽然解决问题能给她带来满足感,但她根本不想去推迟这种满足感,哪怕是一两分钟也不行,这样做的结果就是她无法合理地解决问题,她的家庭也长期陷于一片混乱。
我们这里所谈论的并非是那些因心理障碍在处理问题方面有隐疾的人群。那个财务分析师的情况足以代表所有的人。我们中有谁可以说他们非常自律,把足够多的时间用在分析家庭问题上面?又有谁从未心灰意冷地摊开双手说:“这超出了我的能力?”
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此书的作者M·斯科特·派克是一名出色的心理医生,在近二十年的职业生涯中,他治愈了成千上万个病人。该书就是他以从业经验为基础所写的,到目前为止,这一系列的书已经出到了第三本,这里的选段节选自第一本。该书已被翻译成二十三种以上的语言,在《纽约时报》畅销书榜单上,它停驻了近二十年的时间,是出版史上的一大奇迹。本书处处透露出沟通与理解的意味,引导我们过上崭新、宁静而丰富的生活。